{"PaperName": "The Racial Record", "Stories": [{"HeadlineId": "099e4dbd", "Headline": "Lorax Speaks for Trees in Federal Court, Dismissed for Lacking Standing; Trees Also Lack Standing, Mostly", "OriginalHeadline": "More Than 500 Trees to Be Cut Down at D.C. Golf Course That Trump Wants to Redo", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Pop culture: The Lorax, with the ending fixed", "AngleSetup": "The Lorax shows up to 'speak for the trees' but has to do it through the actual mechanism in the story: litigation. He files an amicus brief, loses on standing, and is assessed a two-stroke penalty. 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The 'survived by' line lists his grudges instead of his family: the dodgeball incident and Gary Whitfield's 1962 cafeteria remark, both reportedly in excellent health. The obit format usually wraps up a life, and here it shows the grudge has outlasted the man.", "Rank": 6, "YearMonthDay": "20261010", "StoryId": "1q0jp", "Description": "Dear Annie: This might seem a little weird for a 78-year-old man, but this really bothers me. When I was in elementary and high school, I wasn't liked by many of my fellow students. I was shy, a bit awkward\u2026", "Url": "https://www.dailyrepublic.com/lifestyle/state-national-lifestyle-columnists/dear-annie-high-school-memories-still-haunt-this-78-year-old/article_be56c3d6-6ee8-4d6e-8a5c-6fcbe34e64d1.html", "ImageUrl": "https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/dailyrepublic.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/1/c6/1c6c6a5e-045b-51af-9884-0e221cf6a0a7/64c27c33490df.image.jpg?crop=250%2C194%2C0%2C60", "Source": "dailyrepublic", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-10 08:00:00", "EditorNote": "A 78-year-old man writes to an advice column still wounded by elementary school, proof that nobody ever outlives the cafeteria.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "fa5c37a9", "Headline": "Man, 78, Outlives Every Bully, Still Picked Last for Pallbearer", "Angle": "Dark reversal: outliving the bullies", "Rank": 5, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "c284d9f6", "Headline": "In Lieu of Flowers, Gary Whitfield Asked to Apologize for 1962", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary boilerplate", "Rank": 6, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "01381032", "Headline": "Senior Citizen Can't Recall Breakfast But Has Full Transcript of 1963 Locker Incident", "Angle": "Pun on 'senior moment'", "Rank": 15, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "9176d14f", "Headline": "Dear Annie: Promise That 'It Gets Better' Now Overdue Six Decades, Man, 78, Wants to Know When the Fuck", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: 'It Gets Better'", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "01613fc8", "Headline": "Local Man, 78, Still Awaiting 'It Gets Better,' Requests Timeline From Annie, Asks When the Fuck", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: 'It Gets Better'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "0cad3678", "Headline": "Gym Class Survivor Outlasts Entire Dodgeball Squad, Remains Last Pick for Funeral Duty", "Angle": "Dark reversal: outliving the bullies", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "17f2fd74", "Headline": "Victory Over Bullies Complete; Widows Still Choosing Teams Without Him", "Angle": "Dark reversal: outliving the bullies", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "34b2a443", "Headline": "Local Man Wins Long Game Against Tormentors, Gets Participation Casket", "Angle": "Dark reversal: outliving the bullies", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "35e174b1", "Headline": "Rome Rules Prom Rejection Binding in Perpetuity, Offers Only a Decree of Sympathy", "Angle": "Absurdist institutional: Holy See annulment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "453c0b1d", "Headline": "Vatican Tribunal Declines to Annul Sophomore Year, Rules Wedgie Was Valid and Consummated", "Angle": "Absurdist institutional: Holy See annulment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "6112ab15", "Headline": "Reader, 78, Asks When the Fuck 'It Gets Better'", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: 'It Gets Better'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "901fd065", "Headline": "Local Man's Memory Perfect for Exactly One Senior Moment, Sophomore Locker Incident of 1963", "Angle": "Pun on 'senior moment'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "947961f6", "Headline": "Shy Boy of 1961 Now 78, Politely Inquires When the Fuck It Gets Better", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: 'It Gets Better'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "ca0d3814", "Headline": "78-Year-Old Forgets Keys, Name, Why He Walked Into Room, But Not Senior Year", "Angle": "Pun on 'senior moment'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "d38976af", "Headline": "Man's Death Notice Lists Awkward Adolescence as Cause, 60 Years Later", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary boilerplate", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "e6b9bbb3", "Headline": "Holy See Assigns Three Cardinals to Review Gym Class, Finds No Grounds for Annulment", "Angle": "Absurdist institutional: Holy See annulment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "e9f2edcb", "Headline": "Obituary Advance Notice: Grudges Outlive Shy Man, Plan Larger Funeral Than His", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary boilerplate", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "f3816887", "Headline": "Man, 78, Has Senior Moments Constantly, Just Never the One He Needs", "Angle": "Pun on 'senior moment'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "f5cf015f", "Headline": "78-Year-Old Petitions Holy See to Erase 1962; Church Cites 'Lack of Canonical Form' but Upholds Locker Incident", "Angle": "Absurdist institutional: Holy See annulment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "fa702bc8", "Headline": "Local Man, 78, Preemptively Dies in Print; Survived by Dodgeball Incident, 1962 Cafeteria Remark, Both in Excellent Health", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary boilerplate", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "856fe1f0", "Headline": "Kremlin Baffled by Death at Building Labeled 'Anti-Plague Research Institute,' Suggests Reading Sign Is Premature", "OriginalHeadline": "A Week Later, Russia Hasn\u2019t Said What Pathogen Killed Plague Researcher", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Circumlocution: the sign on the building", "AngleSetup": "Describe the death with exaggerated bureaucratic precision so the reader does the math. Example: 'Employee of Siberian Facility Whose Entire Name Is About Plague Dies of Lung Thing Kremlin Insists Is Unrelated to Words on Building.' The roundabout phrasing is the joke: everyone can read the sign except the government.", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261010", "StoryId": "3gyac", "Description": "Experts said they believed that with modern testing technology, the Russian authorities should know the answer by now.\n\n[Photo: The Irkutsk Anti-Plague Research Institute of Siberia and the Far East in Irkutsk, Russia, on Wednesday. A 28-year-old researcher there died of an unexplained pneumonia.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/10/world/europe/russia-plague.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/10/multimedia/10int-russia-plague-lfjz/10int-russia-plague-lfjz-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-10T09:01:24+00:00", "EditorNote": "A plague researcher at the Irkutsk Anti-Plague Institute dies of a mystery pneumonia and a week later Russia still won't name the pathogen; the institute's name alone does half the joke.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "4b509924", "Headline": "Plague Researcher's Final Paper Rejected by Reviewers, Who Cite Small Sample Size and Being the Sample", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: posthumous scientific journal abstract", "Rank": 3, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "856fe1f0", "Headline": "Kremlin Baffled by Death at Building Labeled 'Anti-Plague Research Institute,' Suggests Reading Sign Is Premature", "Angle": "Circumlocution: the sign on the building", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "430aa35b", "Headline": "Russia Fines Deadly Microbe for Failing to Label Itself a Foreign Agent in Every Cough", "Angle": "Dark satire: pathogen declared a foreign agent", "Rank": 24, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "1386459c", "Headline": "Russia Won't Cough Up Name of Plague Bug, Irkutsk Lab Coughing Plenty Else", "Angle": "Pun on 'cough up'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "22589e12", "Headline": "Mystery Pathogen Added to Justice Ministry Registry of Foreign Agents, Barred From Speaking to Media", "Angle": "Dark satire: pathogen declared a foreign agent", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "3e25172e", "Headline": "Health Ministry Confirms Plague Researcher Died of Pneumonia or Some Shit, Declines Further Questions", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: official Health Ministry statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "4547a96f", "Headline": "Plague Bacterium Denies Everything, Demands to Speak to Lawyer, Is Relocated to Belarus", "Angle": "Dark satire: pathogen declared a foreign agent", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "4d212f53", "Headline": "Irkutsk Plague Lab Staff Cough Plenty, Officials Cough Up Nothing", "Angle": "Pun on 'cough up'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "580ef882", "Headline": "Russian Authorities Say Cause of Researcher's Death Is Some Kind of Bullshit Bacteria, Will Update Next Week", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: official Health Ministry statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "6022ebbe", "Headline": "Researcher at Institute Named Entirely After Plague Prevention Dies of Mystery Cough, Officials Rule Out Everything Written on Door", "Angle": "Circumlocution: the sign on the building", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "6ddbccf5", "Headline": "Moscow Clears Throat for a Week, Still Won't Cough Up Pathogen", "Angle": "Pun on 'cough up'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "73a1a829", "Headline": "Russia Publishes Findings on Researcher's Death: Conclusion: Further Research Needed, Authors Unavailable, Reviewer 2 Is a Colonel", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: posthumous scientific journal abstract", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "7c4bc4d9", "Headline": "Abstract Accepted Posthumously: 'Fatal Pneumonia in a Plague Scientist: A Case Series of One, Peer-Reviewed by the FSB'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: posthumous scientific journal abstract", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "82cb0d9d", "Headline": "Irkutsk Anti-Plague Institute Says Researcher Died of Something, Shit Is Ongoing", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: official Health Ministry statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "8fafe56d", "Headline": "Kremlin Refuses to Cough Up Answer, Is Clearly Holding Something Back", "Angle": "Pun on 'cough up'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "91d9b629", "Headline": "Study of Unknown Pathogen Concludes: Methods: Researcher. n=1. Results: Classified. Corresponding Author Deceased", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: posthumous scientific journal abstract", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "bc103f05", "Headline": "WHO Officials Ask Russia What the Fuck Killed Plague Researcher, Await Reply", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: official Health Ministry statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "ce7176b1", "Headline": "Russia Still Testing to Determine What Killed Man at Place With 'Plague' on Letterhead, Stationery Reportedly Ruled Coincidence", "Angle": "Circumlocution: the sign on the building", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "d020ebb8", "Headline": "Kremlin Clarifies Pneumonia Not Missing, Merely Lacks Proper Paperwork to Be Named", "Angle": "Dark satire: pathogen declared a foreign agent", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "eefd2425", "Headline": "Moscow Says Death at Plague Institute Is a Lung Situation Unrelated to Institute's Whole Deal", "Angle": "Circumlocution: the sign on the building", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "ac7d71e3", "Headline": "Professor Spent Career Studying Inequality From the Top, Confirms Estate", "OriginalHeadline": "He Left Behind Millions. Who Would Get It \u2014 His Family, or the D.S.A.?", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Dark satire: NYU's own wealth-gap economy", "AngleSetup": "Punch up at NYU. The professor quietly built a fortune teaching inequality at a school charging $90K a year, while the adjuncts down the hall live in the gig economy on food stamps. Deadpan version: the adjuncts learn his estate exceeds their combined lifetime earnings and are told this was simply very rigorous fieldwork on wealth concentration.", "Rank": 10, "YearMonthDay": "20261010", "StoryId": "cs4cr", "Description": "When a New York University professor died in 2024, it set off a legal dispute over a quietly accumulated fortune.\n\n[Photo: David Greenberg, a longtime sociology professor at New York University, died in 2024. He left behind more than just a legacy of writing and teaching.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/09/nyregion/nyu-professor-dsa-inheritance.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/18/nyregion/18met-professor/09met-professor-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-10T00:22:54+00:00", "EditorNote": "An NYU sociology professor quietly amassed millions and left them to the Democratic Socialists of America, and now his family is fighting the socialists for the inheritance.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "ac7d71e3", "Headline": "Professor Spent Career Studying Inequality From the Top, Confirms Estate", "Angle": "Dark satire: NYU's own wealth-gap economy", "Rank": 10, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "04af7466", "Headline": "Socialists Finally Redistribute Professor's Fortune, Just Not to Anyone They Intended", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: DSA chapter meeting minutes", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "05740590", "Headline": "Seize the Means of Probate! Family Chants Outside Surrogate's Court", "Angle": "Pun on 'class action'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "0847b62b", "Headline": "Nephews Tell Court Decedent Was Not of Sound Mind, Left Millions to a Fucking Socialist Club", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the 'sound mind' challenge", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "0989aab2", "Headline": "NYU Sociology Professor's Millions Revealed; Adjuncts Told It Was Just Very Rigorous Fieldwork on Wealth Concentration", "Angle": "Dark satire: NYU's own wealth-gap economy", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "0bbb9f0a", "Headline": "Motion to Amend the Amendment to Define 'Mutual Aid' Passes as Last Dollar Goes to Probate Attorneys", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: DSA chapter meeting minutes", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "0ead202c", "Headline": "Relatives Argue Late NYU Professor Lacked Testamentary Capacity, Cite 40 Years as a Goddamn Sociologist", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the 'sound mind' challenge", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "16ff0a35", "Headline": "Professor's Estate Becomes Class Struggle, Now With Billable Hours", "Angle": "Pun on 'class action'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "31a7ae95", "Headline": "Nephews Suddenly Discover Wealth Should Be Redistributed, Specifically to Nephews", "Angle": "Reversal: the two sides swap ideologies in court", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "375afb7e", "Headline": "Adjuncts Learn Late Colleague's Fortune Exceeds Their Combined Lifetime Earnings; Offered Unpaid Panel on It", "Angle": "Dark satire: NYU's own wealth-gap economy", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "5b707fef", "Headline": "Heirs Contest Will, Say Professor Was Madly Unwell, Loved Dues-Paying Strangers More Than His Own Goddamn Nephews", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the 'sound mind' challenge", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "7741de41", "Headline": "Dead Professor's Will Turns Court Into Opposite Day, Everyone Still Wants the Money", "Angle": "Reversal: the two sides swap ideologies in court", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "7ba3bcc2", "Headline": "DSA Chapter Minutes: Working Group Formed to Study Windfall, Motion to Send It to Yemen Tabled After Three-Hour Fight Over Defining 'Mutual Aid'; Probate Attorneys Receive Entire Estate", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: DSA chapter meeting minutes", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "8ba71040", "Headline": "Point of Order Raised as D.S.A. Debates Millions; Estate Adjourned to Lawyers, 100 Percent in Favor", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: DSA chapter meeting minutes", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "ae330999", "Headline": "DSA Welcomes Heirs' Lawsuit as First Genuine Class Action in Party History", "Angle": "Pun on 'class action'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "b6d41c2d", "Headline": "Heirs File Class Action Against Socialists, Say Wealth Should Stay in the Bourgeoisie", "Angle": "Pun on 'class action'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "e9949784", "Headline": "DSA Lawyers Cite 'Sacred Right to Bequeath'; Family Cites Marx, Requests Millions", "Angle": "Reversal: the two sides swap ideologies in court", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "ea22490a", "Headline": "Dead Professor's Millions Spark Fight Between Family and Socialists, Neither of Whom Is Adjunct Faculty", "Angle": "Dark satire: NYU's own wealth-gap economy", 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