{"PaperName": "The Hallowed Herald", "Stories": [{"HeadlineId": "c303e97a", "Headline": "HUD: Wells Fargo Violated Sacred Principle Of Screwing Minorities And White People At The Same Damn Rate", "OriginalHeadline": "Trump Administration Investigates Wells Fargo for Race-Based Lending", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Fair Housing Act as equal-opportunity screwing", "AngleSetup": "Immaculate HUD wire copy recasts the Fair Housing Act as guaranteeing that every race gets abused by Wells Fargo in exactly equal measure. It nods to the fake-accounts scandal, where the bank defrauded everyone regardless of color. Example: 'HUD Affirms Fair Housing Act Guarantees Every American's Right To Get Fucked By Wells Fargo Equally.'", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261007", "StoryId": "kemmm", "Description": "The federal housing agency says the bank\u2019s efforts to encourage Black homeownership amount to discrimination.\n\n[Photo: Wells Fargo, a major mortgage lender, has in the past publicly promoted its minority-focused program in news releases and on its website.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/07/business/trump-hud-wells-fargo.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/07/multimedia/07biz-wells-hud-investigation-bzwc/07biz-wells-hud-investigation-bzwc-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-07T22:10:46+00:00", "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "c303e97a", "Headline": "HUD: Wells Fargo Violated Sacred Principle Of Screwing Minorities And White People At The Same Damn Rate", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Fair Housing Act as equal-opportunity screwing", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "04e3c3c8", "Headline": "HUD Redlines Wells Fargo's Anti-Redlining Memo, Calls It Even", "Angle": "Pun on 'redlining'", "Rank": 6, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "89076485", "Headline": "HUD Affirms Fair Housing Act Guarantees Every American's Right To Get Fucked By Wells Fargo Equally", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Fair Housing Act as equal-opportunity screwing", "Rank": 14, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "01783e17", "Headline": "Wells Fargo Clarifies It Screws Customers Without Regard To Race, Creed, Or Color", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Fair Housing Act as equal-opportunity screwing", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "0b460b80", "Headline": "Federal Investigators Demand Wells Fargo Return To Core Business Of Fucking Over All Races Equally", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Fair Housing Act as equal-opportunity screwing", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "2570f1f3", "Headline": "Federal Appraisers Redline Wells Fargo HQ, Cite 'Infiltration of Equal Opportunity'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: 1930s HOLC appraisal map", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "37503f6f", "Headline": "Appraiser's Notes: 'Bank Shows Declining Desirability Following Infiltration of Minority Success Stories'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: 1930s HOLC appraisal map", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "5285ab3e", "Headline": "1930s Redlining Map Dusted Off, Wells Fargo Penciled In As Hazardous Neighborhood", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: 1930s HOLC appraisal map", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "54d9023f", "Headline": "Wells Fargo's Correction to Redlining Gets Redlined by HUD Copy Desk", "Angle": "Pun on 'redlining'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "8071f303", "Headline": "Feds Tell Wells Fargo: Stop Helping Black Homeowners, Resume Regularly Scheduled Subprime Program", "Angle": "Reversal: Wells Fargo's 'traditional' race-based lending", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "88ccf939", "Headline": "Filing Cabinet Yields Decades-Old Maps, Agency Calls Them 'Basically Ready To Go'", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: the maps in the drawer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "9ec57533", "Headline": "Regulators Nostalgic For Wells Fargo's Original Flavor Of Discrimination, Demand Its Return", "Angle": "Reversal: Wells Fargo's 'traditional' race-based lending", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "a53bafce", "Headline": "HUD Orders Wells Fargo To Return To Its Classic, Time-Tested Discrimination", "Angle": "Reversal: Wells Fargo's 'traditional' race-based lending", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "b22afd2c", "Headline": "Feds Take Red Pen to Bank's Homeownership Program, Mark It 'Discrimination'", "Angle": "Pun on 'redlining'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "b2ffe504", "Headline": "Wells Fargo Told To Un-Innovate, Go Back To Original Race-Based Lending Formula", "Angle": "Reversal: Wells Fargo's 'traditional' race-based lending", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "cab00300", "Headline": "Officials Praise Vintage Maps, Say They 'Need Only A Light Update'", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: the maps in the drawer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "d1de4fbe", "Headline": "HUD Reminds Public: Black Buyers Still Welcome With Written Permission From Neighborhood", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: the maps in the drawer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "d89a4bb0", "Headline": "HUD Finds 1938 Redlining Maps In Bottom Drawer, 'Still In Mint Condition'", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: the maps in the drawer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "db986e0c", "Headline": "Residential Security Map Grades Wells Fargo 'D \u2013 Hazardous' Due to Infiltration of Homeowners Who Can Read", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: 1930s HOLC appraisal map", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "ed827434", "Headline": "HUD Editors Strike Through Decades of Progress, Note Reads 'Too Fair'", "Angle": "Pun on 'redlining'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "de457ecd", "Headline": "MWR December Calendar: Craft Fair, Firing Squad, Then Bingo, In That Order", "OriginalHeadline": "Army Sets Date for First Military Execution by Firing Squad Since 1945", "ShowOriginal": true, "Angle": "Format-borrowing: base MWR events calendar", "AngleSetup": "Present the execution as a line item in Fort Hood's cheerful Morale, Welfare & Recreation December newsletter, sandwiched between the Holiday Craft Fair and Family Bingo Night. Include deadpan logistics: road closures near Range 4 from 0600 to 0700, and a note that personnel are kindly asked not to bring lawn chairs. The pivot is the base's chipper community-bulletin tone flattening the first military execution since WWII into routine programming.", "Rank": 5, "YearMonthDay": "20261007", "StoryId": "l3p3b", "Description": "Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, a former Army psychiatrist, will be shot to death on Dec. 3 at Fort Hood, where he killed 13 and wounded 32 in 2009.\n\n[Photo: A memorial service in November 2009 for those killed at Fort Hood.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/07/us/politics/execution-fort-hood-shooting.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/07/multimedia/07dc-execution-vmfz/07dc-execution-vmfz-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-07T22:23:34+00:00", "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "41f9ad1f", "Headline": "HR Backlog Cleared: Army Processes 2008 Termination Request By Firing Squad", "Angle": "Pun on 'fire' (dismiss vs. shoot)", "Rank": 3, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "4260a908", "Headline": "Range 4 Closed 0600-0700 For Execution, Reopens In Time For Ornament Swap", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: base MWR events calendar", "Rank": 4, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "de457ecd", "Headline": "MWR December Calendar: Craft Fair, Firing Squad, Then Bingo, In That Order", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: base MWR events calendar", "Rank": 5, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "4d232a1b", "Headline": "Exit Interview Postponed Since 2009, Army Finally Says It With Rifles", "Angle": "Pun on 'fire' (dismiss vs. shoot)", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "2d2dae80", "Headline": "Army Public Affairs Office Regrets the Delay, Not the Decision, on Dec. 3 Firing Squad", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: justice as delayed table service", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "f194e757", "Headline": "After 16 Years of Red Flags, Army Settles On 'You're Fired' Most Literal Way Possible", "Angle": "Pun on 'fire' (dismiss vs. shoot)", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "5eee7b60", "Headline": "101-Year-Old Wyoming Man Hired as Firing Squad Consultant, Asks If They Still Use M1 Garand", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: nobody remembers how", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "0bd37e9c", "Headline": "Army Consults 1945 Field Manual, Immediately Loses It Again", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: nobody remembers how", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "133e495b", "Headline": "Fort Hood Newsletter Sandwiches First Military Execution Since '45 Between Two Potlucks", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: base MWR events calendar", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "2afaf8c6", "Headline": "Army Announces Historic Accountability, Chain Of Command Relieved It Wasn't Them This Time", "Angle": "Dark satire: Fort Hood's selective accountability", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "3d6bc376", "Headline": "Fort Hood Finally Cracks Down On Violence, Only Needed One Conviction And A Decade And A Half", "Angle": "Dark satire: Fort Hood's selective accountability", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "453e3395", "Headline": "After 16 Years in the Queue, Fort Hood Killer's Number Is Finally Called", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: justice as delayed table service", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "639201d2", "Headline": "Army Finally Finishes Hasan's Performance Review, Firing Squad Included", "Angle": "Pun on 'fire' (dismiss vs. shoot)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "6e5df14e", "Headline": "Fort Hood's First Rule Of Accountability: Wait Until Everyone Else Already Agrees", "Angle": "Dark satire: Fort Hood's selective accountability", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "825de6b4", "Headline": "Pentagon Seeks IT Guy Who Can Still Read Floppy Disks", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: nobody remembers how", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "8b41b793", "Headline": "Nobody Alive Remembers How to Do This, Army Admits, Scheduling It Anyway", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: nobody remembers how", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "a310a826", "Headline": "Army Proves It Can Address Violence At Fort Hood, Given 16 Years And A Firing Squad", "Angle": "Dark satire: Fort Hood's selective accountability", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "b2f2232d", "Headline": "Table for 13: Army Spokesman Announces Execution Reservation 16 Years Overdue", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: justice as delayed table service", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "d7e0e427", "Headline": "Army Confirms Justice Will Be Served Dec. 3, Apologizes for the Fucking Wait", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: justice as delayed table service", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "e65c0f24", "Headline": "Personnel Kindly Asked Not To Bring Lawn Chairs To This One, Unlike Bingo Night", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: base MWR events calendar", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "7747ae36", "Headline": "Nation Smug About Free Healthcare Closes Only Exit, Tells Mentally Ill to Please Hold", "OriginalHeadline": "Canada Halts Plan to Allow Medically Assisted Death for the Mentally Ill", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Circumlocution: smug healthcare nation", "AngleSetup": "Never say 'Canada.' Call it the 'Nation That Spent 50 Years Being Smug About Free Healthcare' and spell out the closed loop. Free healthcare will not include a way out of free healthcare's psychiatric waitlist, and patients are directed to the waitlist to discuss it. The overlong description of Canada's self-image is the joke.", "Rank": 10, "YearMonthDay": "20261007", "StoryId": "jbvfw", "Description": "People who have mental illness alone will not qualify for assisted death, but patients who have other conditions and expect to have a cognitive decline can make an advanced request.\n\n[Photo: Sean Fraser, Canada\u2019s minister of justice, said parliament will pass legislation to bar people whose sole condition is a mental illness from seeking medically assisted death.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/07/world/canada/canada-medically-assisted-death-mental-illness.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/07/multimedia/07int-canada-maid-ktbz/07int-canada-maid-ktbz-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-07T19:57:21+00:00", "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "7747ae36", "Headline": "Nation Smug About Free Healthcare Closes Only Exit, Tells Mentally Ill to Please Hold", "Angle": "Circumlocution: smug healthcare nation", "Rank": 10, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "02f689e3", "Headline": "Canada Bars Mentally Ill From Assisted Death, Admits It Has No Fucking Idea What Comes Next", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Parliament has no plan B", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "04b3d123", "Headline": "Health Ministry Confirms Prognosis Is Fine, It's the Scheduling That's Fatal", "Angle": "Pun on 'terminal' (illness vs. waitlist)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "06d84ce3", "Headline": "Sean Fraser Halts Death Plan, Confirms Parliament's Actual Plan Is Still 'No Fucking Clue'", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Parliament has no plan B", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "155fbefe", "Headline": "'Thank You for Your Interest in Dying' \u2013 Ottawa's Astonishing Applicant Pool Leaves Sadness on Waitlist", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: university rejection letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "1d4730b3", "Headline": "Ottawa Scraps Death Plan, Returns to Proven Strategy of Funding Nothing", "Angle": "Dark satire: death was the cheap option", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "37002919", "Headline": "Budget Office Mourns Loss of Nation's Only Cost-Effective Mental Health Program", "Angle": "Dark satire: death was the cheap option", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "3a158b50", "Headline": "Canada Clarifies Mental Illness Isn't a Terminal Condition, Just an Endless Waiting Room", "Angle": "Pun on 'terminal' (illness vs. waitlist)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "5704e5ed", "Headline": "Land of Smug Universal Coverage Reminds Citizens: The Only Way Out Is Through the Waitlist", "Angle": "Circumlocution: smug healthcare nation", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "5d1327a3", "Headline": "Admissions Office Cites 'Overwhelming Pool of Qualified Despair' in Denying Mental Illness Hopefuls", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: university rejection letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "66d947db", "Headline": "World's Proudest Free Healthcare System Will Not Help You Skip Its Own Waitlist", "Angle": "Circumlocution: smug healthcare nation", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "6b97b9db", "Headline": "Officials Admit Program Was Working Great, Just Looked Too Barbarous on Paper", "Angle": "Dark satire: death was the cheap option", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "76daa49d", "Headline": "Rejected Applicants Encouraged to Reapply Once They Develop a More Competitive Dementia", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: university rejection letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "910d9084", "Headline": "Mental Illness Ruled 'Not Terminal' By Country Where Therapy Waitlist Is Eight Months Long", "Angle": "Pun on 'terminal' (illness vs. waitlist)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "9b329768", "Headline": "Good News: Your Depression Isn't Terminal. Bad News: Your Psychiatrist Appointment Is in 2026", "Angle": "Pun on 'terminal' (illness vs. waitlist)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "a5af8a5a", "Headline": "Canada Reverses Course, Leaves Budget Shortfall Right Where Patients Used to Be", "Angle": "Dark satire: death was the cheap option", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "ce0aadf6", "Headline": "Health Canada Regrets to Inform Your Depression Was Not Selected This Admissions Cycle", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: university rejection letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "d4ef87ee", "Headline": "Famously Smug Free Healthcare Nation Discovers One Thing Free Healthcare Won't Fix: Free Healthcare's Waitlist", "Angle": "Circumlocution: smug healthcare nation", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "e348949f", "Headline": "Justice Minister Saves Mentally Ill From Assisted Death, Delivers Them Unto Usual Fucking Neglect", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Parliament has no plan B", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "eea930bd", "Headline": "Ottawa Announces Mentally Ill Canadians Will Keep Living, Habitually Failing Them the Old Fashioned Way", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Parliament has no plan B", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "28b9c979", "Headline": "Spirit Airlines, 33, Dies Peacefully in Goodyear, Ariz.; Survived by Delta, United and American, Who Raised Fares During the Service", "OriginalHeadline": "Airfares Have Spiked. Is the Death of Spirit Airlines to Blame?", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Obituary format: 'survived by' the oligopoly", "AngleSetup": "Run full newspaper-obituary boilerplate: 'Spirit Airlines, 33, of Miramar, Fla., died peacefully in Goodyear, Ariz.' The pivot is the survivors line: 'Survived by Delta, United, and American, who raised fares during the service.' Close with 'In lieu of flowers, the family requests a $79 seat-selection fee,' so the heirs are cashing in before the body's cold.", "Rank": 14, "YearMonthDay": "20261007", "StoryId": "g8x9j", "Description": "In the wake of the ultra-low-cost carrier\u2019s closure, and with the cost of fuel and labor rising, domestic fares have become less competitive. But there are ways to parry higher prices.\n\n[Photo: Spirit Airlines planes parked at the Phoenix Goodyear Airport in Goodyear, Ariz., in May, a few days after the airline ceased operations.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/07/travel/airfares-flights-cost-spirit-airlines.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/02/multimedia/00Trav-Post-Spirit-Airfares-01-mvpb/00Trav-Post-Spirit-Airfares-01-mvpb-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-07T09:02:13+00:00", "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "a3b81177", "Headline": "Spirit Airlines Dead at 33; Mourners Asked to Arrive 3 Hours Early and Pay for a Carry-On", "Angle": "Obituary format: 'survived by' the oligopoly", "Rank": 2, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "28b9c979", "Headline": "Spirit Airlines, 33, Dies Peacefully in Goodyear, Ariz.; Survived by Delta, United and American, Who Raised Fares During the Service", "Angle": "Obituary format: 'survived by' the oligopoly", "Rank": 14, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "5a611966", "Headline": "Seven Tips For Beating High Airfares: Tip Seven Is Stay The Fuck Home", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: travel-tips explainer", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "e7c3303e", "Headline": "Spirit Airlines Gives Up The Ghost, Still Finds Way To Nickel-And-Dime The Afterlife", "Angle": "Pun on 'Spirit' as ghost / s\u00e9ance", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "047ea1d0", "Headline": "Pack Light, Arrive Early, Avoid Checked Bags, Stay The Fuck Home, Experts Say", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: travel-tips explainer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "0c3b568b", "Headline": "Feds Declare Goodyear Boneyard a Protected Habitat for Last Known $39 Fare", "Angle": "Absurdist: the $39 fare as an endangered species", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "3205f6ab", "Headline": "Obituary: Spirit Airlines, Beloved Nuisance, Leaves Behind Grieving Oligopoly and a Legacy of Legroom Disputes", "Angle": "Obituary format: 'survived by' the oligopoly", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "362bac8a", "Headline": "Industry Mourns Spirit's Death, Quietly Toasts With Champagne at Cruising Altitude", "Angle": "Dark satire: the moment of silence as revenue event", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "3b1e204b", "Headline": "Sighting Confirmed: Glistening $39 Fare Spotted in Arizona Heat, Experts Urge Calm", "Angle": "Absurdist: the $39 fare as an endangered species", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "3cc0f25e", "Headline": "Airfare Conservationists Warn: Without Intervention, Sub-$50 Ticket Could Vanish by Spring", "Angle": "Absurdist: the $39 fare as an endangered species", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "411911b2", "Headline": "Local Medium Reaches Spirit Airlines Beyond The Grave, Billed $40 For Ectoplasm Carry-On", "Angle": "Pun on 'Spirit' as ghost / s\u00e9ance", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "49ffef60", "Headline": "Fliers Attempt To Contact The Spirit, Told Seat Selection In The Great Beyond Costs Extra", "Angle": "Pun on 'Spirit' as ghost / s\u00e9ance", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "53b15d07", "Headline": "Travel Experts Release New Fare-Saving Checklist, Last Box Just Says Don't Go", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: travel-tips explainer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "6311d4bf", "Headline": "Shareholders Observe Period of Grief, Then Several Periods of Profit", "Angle": "Dark satire: the moment of silence as revenue event", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "661a570f", "Headline": "Local Budget Carrier Passes Away; In Lieu of Flowers, Family Requests a $79 Seat-Selection Fee", "Angle": "Obituary format: 'survived by' the oligopoly", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "8571bb8e", "Headline": "Airlines Hold Moment of Silence for Spirit, Raise Fares 40% Before It Ends", "Angle": "Dark satire: the moment of silence as revenue event", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "9199a13e", "Headline": "Grieving Bargain Hunters Hold S\u00e9ance To Contact Spirit, Get Charged $12 For Knocking Once", "Angle": "Pun on 'Spirit' as ghost / s\u00e9ance", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "9e16d309", "Headline": "Experts Advise Travelers To Book Early, Stay Flexible On Dates, Stay The Fuck Home", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: travel-tips explainer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "a8c09b94", "Headline": "CEOs Honor Spirit's Legacy With Tribute Fares No One Can Afford", "Angle": "Dark satire: the moment of silence as revenue event", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "f02b81af", "Headline": "Biologists Attempt Captive Breeding of Endangered Fort Lauderdale-to-Detroit Fare Using College Kid's Frontier Voucher", "Angle": "Absurdist: the $39 fare as an endangered species", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}]}], "TopHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "1c5eff6a", "Headline": "IRS: We Take Whistle-Blower Safety Very Seriously, Which Is Why You Should Shut the Fuck Up", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: conditional whistle-blower protections", "Rank": 7, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "c303e97a", "Headline": "HUD: Wells Fargo Violated Sacred Principle Of Screwing Minorities And White People At The Same Damn Rate", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Fair Housing Act as equal-opportunity screwing", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "a3b81177", "Headline": "Spirit Airlines Dead at 33; Mourners Asked to Arrive 3 Hours Early and Pay for a Carry-On", "Angle": "Obituary format: 'survived by' the oligopoly", "Rank": 2, "YearMonthDay": "20261007"}, {"HeadlineId": "41f9ad1f", "Headline": "HR Backlog Cleared: Army 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