{"PaperName": "The Permissible Citizen", "Stories": [{"HeadlineId": "099e4dbd", "Headline": "Lorax Speaks for Trees in Federal Court, Dismissed for Lacking Standing; Trees Also Lack Standing, Mostly", "OriginalHeadline": "More Than 500 Trees to Be Cut Down at D.C. Golf Course That Trump Wants to Redo", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Pop culture: The Lorax, with the ending fixed", "AngleSetup": "The Lorax shows up to 'speak for the trees' but has to do it through the actual mechanism in the story: litigation. He files an amicus brief, loses on standing, and is assessed a two-stroke penalty. 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I was shy, a bit awkward\u2026", "Url": "https://www.dailyrepublic.com/lifestyle/state-national-lifestyle-columnists/dear-annie-high-school-memories-still-haunt-this-78-year-old/article_be56c3d6-6ee8-4d6e-8a5c-6fcbe34e64d1.html", "ImageUrl": "https://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/dailyrepublic.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/1/c6/1c6c6a5e-045b-51af-9884-0e221cf6a0a7/64c27c33490df.image.jpg?crop=250%2C194%2C0%2C60", "Source": "dailyrepublic", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-10 08:00:00", "EditorNote": "A 78-year-old man writes to an advice column still wounded by elementary school, proof that nobody ever outlives the cafeteria.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "fa5c37a9", "Headline": "Man, 78, Outlives Every Bully, Still Picked Last for Pallbearer", "Angle": "Dark reversal: outliving the bullies", "Rank": 5, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "c284d9f6", "Headline": "In Lieu of Flowers, Gary Whitfield Asked to Apologize for 1962", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary boilerplate", "Rank": 6, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "01381032", "Headline": "Senior Citizen Can't Recall Breakfast But Has Full Transcript of 1963 Locker Incident", "Angle": "Pun on 'senior moment'", "Rank": 15, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "9176d14f", "Headline": "Dear Annie: Promise That 'It Gets Better' Now Overdue Six Decades, Man, 78, Wants to Know When the Fuck", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: 'It Gets Better'", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "01613fc8", "Headline": "Local Man, 78, Still Awaiting 'It Gets Better,' Requests Timeline From Annie, Asks When the Fuck", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: 'It Gets Better'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "0cad3678", "Headline": "Gym Class Survivor Outlasts Entire Dodgeball Squad, Remains Last Pick for Funeral Duty", "Angle": "Dark reversal: outliving the bullies", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "17f2fd74", "Headline": "Victory Over Bullies Complete; Widows Still Choosing Teams Without Him", "Angle": "Dark reversal: outliving the bullies", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "34b2a443", "Headline": "Local Man Wins Long Game Against Tormentors, Gets Participation Casket", "Angle": "Dark reversal: outliving the bullies", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "35e174b1", "Headline": "Rome Rules Prom Rejection Binding in Perpetuity, Offers Only a Decree of Sympathy", "Angle": "Absurdist institutional: Holy See annulment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "453c0b1d", "Headline": "Vatican Tribunal Declines to Annul Sophomore Year, Rules Wedgie Was Valid and Consummated", "Angle": "Absurdist institutional: Holy See annulment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "6112ab15", "Headline": "Reader, 78, Asks When the Fuck 'It Gets Better'", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: 'It Gets Better'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "901fd065", "Headline": "Local Man's Memory Perfect for Exactly One Senior Moment, Sophomore Locker Incident of 1963", "Angle": "Pun on 'senior moment'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "947961f6", "Headline": "Shy Boy of 1961 Now 78, Politely Inquires When the Fuck It Gets Better", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: 'It Gets Better'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "ca0d3814", "Headline": "78-Year-Old Forgets Keys, Name, Why He Walked Into Room, But Not Senior Year", "Angle": "Pun on 'senior moment'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "d38976af", "Headline": "Man's Death Notice Lists Awkward Adolescence as Cause, 60 Years Later", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary boilerplate", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "e6b9bbb3", "Headline": "Holy See Assigns Three Cardinals to Review Gym Class, Finds No Grounds for Annulment", "Angle": "Absurdist institutional: Holy See annulment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "e9f2edcb", "Headline": "Obituary Advance Notice: Grudges Outlive Shy Man, Plan Larger Funeral Than His", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary boilerplate", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "f3816887", "Headline": "Man, 78, Has Senior Moments Constantly, Just Never the One He Needs", "Angle": "Pun on 'senior moment'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "f5cf015f", "Headline": "78-Year-Old Petitions Holy See to Erase 1962; Church Cites 'Lack of Canonical Form' but Upholds Locker Incident", "Angle": "Absurdist institutional: Holy See annulment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "fa702bc8", "Headline": "Local Man, 78, Preemptively Dies in Print; Survived by Dodgeball Incident, 1962 Cafeteria Remark, Both in Excellent Health", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary boilerplate", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "c1ca3bbb", "Headline": "State Hold Music Plays for 45 Minutes as Corrections Officials Wait for Someone Who Knows How the Drugs Work", "OriginalHeadline": "After Christa Pike\u2019s Botched Execution, Tennessee\u2019s Lethal Injection Protocol Draws Scrutiny", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Format-borrowing: IT help desk troubleshooting", "AngleSetup": "Frame the protocol review as a tech-support ticket. The executioners call a vendor hotline and work through a flowchart ('Is the inmate plugged in? Have you tried turning her off and on again?'). The pivot is that the help desk cheerfully escalates to 'Tier 2: Try Killing Her Again,' treating a human being as malfunctioning equipment, the way the state's 'scrutiny' language already does.", "Rank": 13, "YearMonthDay": "20261010", "StoryId": "n0jm1", "Description": "The differences between the current protocol and the previous one have become a focus in Christa Pike\u2019s failed execution.\n\n[Photo: Christa Pike\u2019s lawyers \u2014 Randy Spivey, at the podium, and Luke Ihnen, behind Mr. Spivey \u2014 hold a news conference on Wednesday in Nashville.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/10/us/politics/tennessee-lethal-injection-protocol-christa-pike.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/09/multimedia/09nat-tn-protocol-pfvz/09nat-tn-protocol-pfvz-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-10T15:45:46+00:00", "EditorNote": "After a botched execution, Tennessee's lethal injection protocol is under 'scrutiny,' the cold procedural language of the state reviewing the instructions on a machine that failed to kill someone.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "41e5748f", "Headline": "State Insists Execution Team Was 'Well Versed' in Procedure, Declines to Say in What", "Angle": "Pun on 'Versed' (midazolam brand name)", "Rank": 11, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "c1ca3bbb", "Headline": "State Hold Music Plays for 45 Minutes as Corrections Officials Wait for Someone Who Knows How the Drugs Work", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: IT help desk troubleshooting", "Rank": 13, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "75007d22", "Headline": "Death Chamber Earns Five Stars for Sanctity of Life, Zero Stars for Death", "Angle": "Reversal: botched execution rebranded as pro-life win", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "9f4db42c", "Headline": "Tennessee Touts 100% Survival Rate at State Execution Facility, Calls It 'Pro-Life Breakthrough'", "Angle": "Reversal: botched execution rebranded as pro-life win", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "0c4921f4", "Headline": "Tennessee Officials Well Versed in Midazolam, Less Versed in Doing Anything With It", "Angle": "Pun on 'Versed' (midazolam brand name)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "1824f5e2", "Headline": "Tennessee Republicans Declare Failed Execution 'Most Pro-Life Day in State History'", "Angle": "Reversal: botched execution rebranded as pro-life win", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "2fa1be08", "Headline": "Corrections Officials Say Protocol Review Will Be Comprehensive, Independent, and Finished Before the Next Fucking Attempt", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the review is about doing it again", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "35a77fce", "Headline": "Officials Pledge to Close Singapore Gap With Quarterly Synergy Workshops and a Dedicated Efficiency Czar", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: benchmarking trip to Singapore and Angola", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "3caf7dee", "Headline": "Tennessee Lawyers Demand Review as State Proves Itself Versed, Not Verse-Reading, Not Vers-atile, Just Versed", "Angle": "Pun on 'Versed' (midazolam brand name)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "5b5dae2b", "Headline": "Angola Study Trip Yields Best Practices, Three Commemorative Tote Bags, and a $41,000 Minibar Receipt", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: benchmarking trip to Singapore and Angola", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "620fbd2b", "Headline": "Tennessee Opens Support Ticket After Execution Fails: 'Have You Tried Reading the Protocol?'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: IT help desk troubleshooting", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "76772b58", "Headline": "State Unveils Five-Year Plan to Reach Kansas City Levels of Reliability by 2031", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: benchmarking trip to Singapore and Angola", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "853bec0d", "Headline": "Help Desk Escalates Botched Execution to Tier 2, Which Is Also Just Tennessee", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: IT help desk troubleshooting", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "87ec58bb", "Headline": "Corrections Dept. Defends 'Fully Trained' Staff; Admits Training Mostly Covered the Drug Labels", "Angle": "Pun on 'Versed' (midazolam brand name)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "8aa7259a", "Headline": "Department of Correction Pledges Full Transparency, Rigorous Standards, and Not Screwing Up the Next Fucking One", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the review is about doing it again", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "931b483f", "Headline": "Tennessee Switches Lethal Injection Protocols, Forgets to Check Release Notes", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: IT help desk troubleshooting", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "9e3e7dc7", "Headline": "Tennessee Announces Thorough, Transparent Review of Lethal Injection Protocol to Ensure Next Fucking Time Goes Smoothly", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the review is about doing it again", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "a52287d3", "Headline": "Department of Correction Review Finds Protocol Needs Only Minor Revisions Before Next Fucking Time", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the review is about doing it again", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "ad8dcc66", "Headline": "Governor Praises Lethal Injection Protocol for 'Preserving Life at Every Stage'", "Angle": "Reversal: botched execution rebranded as pro-life win", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "ecc6570d", "Headline": "Tennessee Fact-Finding Delegation Returns From Singapore With Branded Lanyards, 94-Slide Deck, and Crippling Punctuality Envy", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: benchmarking trip to Singapore and Angola", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "afbd6f9c", "Headline": "Self-Declared Messiah Walks Out on Actual One, Citing Creative Differences", "OriginalHeadline": "Ronaldo suspended by Portugal FA after walkout, dispute with coach", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Pun / biblical wordplay on coach Jorge Jesus", "AngleSetup": "The coach's name is Jesus, and Ronaldo has spent 20 years conducting himself like a deity. Frame the walkout as scripture: like Peter, Ronaldo denied Jesus three times before the cock crowed, except the cock is also Ronaldo. A second option is the first recorded case of a self-declared messiah walking out on the actual one.", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261010", "StoryId": "lisqe", "Description": "Cristiano Ronaldo has been provisionally suspended by the Portuguese Football Federation (FPF) following his decision to walk out of the national team camp after a dispute with head coach Jorge Jesus.", "Url": "https://www.espn.com/soccer/story/_/id/50146841/cristiano-ronaldo-suspended-portugal-national-team-walkout-jorge-jesus-disciplinary", "ImageUrl": "https://a2.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2026%2F0930%2Fr1724024_1296x729_16%2D9.jpg", "Source": "espn.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-10T11:51:09-05:00", "EditorNote": "Cristiano Ronaldo storms out of national team camp over a dispute with the coach and gets suspended by his own federation, the planet's biggest ego meeting the only institution allowed to bench it.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "afbd6f9c", "Headline": "Self-Declared Messiah Walks Out on Actual One, Citing Creative Differences", "Angle": "Pun / biblical wordplay on coach Jorge Jesus", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "048748b7", "Headline": "Portugal Courageously Suspends Ronaldo From Three Friendlies Against Opponents Who Have Never Heard of Portugal", "Angle": "Dark satire: the federation's 'courageous' suspension is a scheduling decision", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "2be17ca9", "Headline": "Ronaldo and Portugal Consciously Uncouple After 22 Years: 'We Remain Committed to Co-Parenting the Siuuu'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: celebrity divorce announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "479ee6f9", "Headline": "Portugal Awaits Second Coming of Ronaldo After Forty Minutes in the Wilderness", "Angle": "Pun / biblical wordplay on coach Jorge Jesus", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "4db7de34", "Headline": "FPF Confirms Ronaldo Suspension Will Be Lifted Upon Conclusion of Review, Scheduled for Next Fucking Qualifier", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the federation's official resignation", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "4df629c4", "Headline": "Madeira Airport Reverts to 'Airport' as Officials Enforce Ronaldo Ban on All Municipal Likenesses", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: the infamous bronze bust is also suspended", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "60e5b844", "Headline": "Federation Shows Backbone, Bans Star Only From Matches With No Sponsor Logos Visible", "Angle": "Dark satire: the federation's 'courageous' suspension is a scheduling decision", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "631f73b9", "Headline": "Provisionally Suspended Bronze Bust Wears 'Provisionally Suspended' Placard, Looks Exactly as Unsettling as Before", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: the infamous bronze bust is also suspended", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "6f88257d", "Headline": "Portuguese Federation Announces Disciplinary Process Against Ronaldo, Admits Nobody Is Fucking Fooled", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the federation's official resignation", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "77eb0f7a", "Headline": "Flights Diverted to Mesa, Arizona After Ronaldo Suspension Leaves Airport Legally Nameless", "Angle": "Absurdist bureaucracy: the infamous bronze bust is also suspended", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "869a24b5", "Headline": "Custody Battle Looms Over the Siuuu as Ronaldo Insists 'It Was Always Mine'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: celebrity divorce announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "9f7098c6", "Headline": "FPF Provisionally Suspends Ronaldo Pending Full Review, Or Until the Next Fucking Qualifier", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the federation's official resignation", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "9fccd85d", "Headline": "Ronaldo Suspended Indefinitely, Defined by Federation as Until We Actually Need the Fucker", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the federation's official resignation", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "a31512e2", "Headline": "Ronaldo Ban Set to Lift in Time for Anything Coca-Cola Has Paid For", "Angle": "Dark satire: the federation's 'courageous' suspension is a scheduling decision", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "a3d88e95", "Headline": "Nation Left Heartbroken as Ronaldo Moves Out of Training Camp, Takes the Good Towels", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: celebrity divorce announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "a54c237b", "Headline": "Ronaldo Denies Jesus Three Times Before Cock Crows; Cock Is Also Ronaldo", "Angle": "Pun / biblical wordplay on coach Jorge Jesus", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261010"}, {"HeadlineId": "b3436cdf", "Headline": "Ronaldo 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