{"PaperName": "The Halting Courier", "Stories": [{"HeadlineId": "d44f53b2", "Headline": "Security Confiscates Nail Clippers, Tweezers, and 101ml of Conditioner, Then Hands Co-Pilot Entire Airplane", "OriginalHeadline": "Attacker in FlyDubai Flight Meant to Crash Into Israeli Airport, Emiratis Say", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "AngleSetup": "Billions in screening go toward taking passengers' sharp objects and 101ml shampoo bottles, then the system hands the plane to the one person who actually wanted to crash it. Itemize everything security confiscated from passengers, then end on what it gave the co-pilot.", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261012", "StoryId": "fe4g4", "Description": "The attorney general of the United Arab Emirates said that the co-pilot had been inspired by the Sept. 11 attacks after  years of developing extreme Islamist views.\n\n[Photo: Emirati investigators said that the co-pilot in the FlyDubai flight had intended to crash into Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv \u201cwith the aim of causing the greatest possible loss of life.\u201d]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/09/world/middleeast/flydubai-pilot-attack.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/09/multimedia/09int-uae-flydubai-1-fctk/09int-uae-flydubai-1-fctk-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-12T16:18:26+00:00", "EditorNote": "A commercial co-pilot inspired by 9/11 meant to crash into Ben Gurion, and the attack was apparently planned by the person whose whole job is to land the plane.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "d44f53b2", "Headline": "Security Confiscates Nail Clippers, Tweezers, and 101ml of Conditioner, Then Hands Co-Pilot Entire Airplane", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0dddde8f", "Headline": "Billions Spent Guarding Against Corkscrews, Snow Globes, and Travel Shampoo; Controls Left to a Guy", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 9, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "347f208f", "Headline": "Airport Display Reports 'Premeditated' in Same Cheerful Font as 'On Time'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: airport departures board", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e68d0385", "Headline": "Regulators Confirm Reinforced Cockpit Door Worked Exactly as Designed, Which Is the Fucking Problem", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the post-9/11 reinforced cockpit door", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "24a09909", "Headline": "Passengers Surrender Scissors, Sunscreen, and Shoes So One Man Could Be Trusted With the Throttle", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "7905b78f", "Headline": "Grandma's Knitting Needles Seized, Toddler's Juice Box Seized, Man With the Steering Wheel Waved Through", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "18326d2b", "Headline": "FlyDubai Defends Co-Pilot as Meek, Punctual, and 'Fully Committed to Reaching Tel Aviv'", "Angle": "Reversal: airline praises the co-pilot's commitment to the destination", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "40562ff6", "Headline": "Gate B12 Now Boarding, Status Screen Declines to Editorialize", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: airport departures board", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "5219c3f4", "Headline": "Aviation Authority Reaffirms Cockpit Door Is Impenetrable to All Persons Inside and Out, Admits This Is a Fucking Oversight", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the post-9/11 reinforced cockpit door", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "5d080b51", "Headline": "Post-9/11 Cockpit Door Performs to Specification, Keeps Unauthorized Persons Out and One Fucking Authorized Person In", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the post-9/11 reinforced cockpit door", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "7b24b6bd", "Headline": "Airline Praises Co-Pilot's Exemplary Record: 'Never Once Late, and He Was Not Going to Start Then'", "Angle": "Reversal: airline praises the co-pilot's commitment to the destination", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "7d91e55f", "Headline": "'Nobody Here Wanted to Reach Tel Aviv More,' Says FlyDubai HR, Reviewing Performance File", "Angle": "Reversal: airline praises the co-pilot's commitment to the destination", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "9983a5f0", "Headline": "FlyDubai Statement Calls Co-Pilot 'Goal-Oriented Team Player' Who Always Saw Flights Through to the End", "Angle": "Reversal: airline praises the co-pilot's commitment to the destination", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "aa957950", "Headline": "FlyDubai 981 | DXB \u2192 TLV | Gate B12 | Now Boarding | Status: PREMEDITATED", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: airport departures board", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d345036b", "Headline": "Safety Board Praises Reinforced Door's 100 Percent Success Rate, Concedes Its Single Fucking Flaw Was Seated Up Front", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the post-9/11 reinforced cockpit door", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e9c9e0c3", "Headline": "Departures Board Adds 'Premeditated' to Status Options, Right Under 'Delayed' and Above 'Gate Changed'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: airport departures board", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "866d5b5f", "Headline": "Director's Cut of Mariupol Theater Bombing Mysteriously Removes Russia", "OriginalHeadline": "Russian Film Aims to Rewrite History of Deadly Theater Bombing in Ukraine", "ShowOriginal": true, "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "AngleSetup": "In film, a 'reshoot' fixes a scene that didn't play right in the edit. In Mariupol it means shooting the same place a second time. Frame it as trade-press production news: Russia orders reshoots of the Mariupol theater sequence with Ukraine recast as the villain, and the original cast is unavailable to return.", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261012", "StoryId": "7jmcx", "Description": "A documentary claims that Ukraine, not Russia, attacked the drama theater in Mariupol, where hundreds of civilians died.\n\n[Photo: The remains of the theater in Mariupol, eastern Ukraine, in April 2022, in a photograph taken when the area was under pro-Russian control. The Russian airstrike on the building killed hundreds of civilians.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/12/world/europe/mariupol-theater-russian-documentary-witnesses.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/09/30/world/00int-russia-documentary-01/00int-russia-documentary-01-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-12T09:00:56+00:00", "EditorNote": "Russia made a documentary arguing Ukraine bombed the Mariupol theater it bombed, gaslighting as a film genre ripe for fake awards-season coverage.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "866d5b5f", "Headline": "Director's Cut of Mariupol Theater Bombing Mysteriously Removes Russia", "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "19a62346", "Headline": "Russian Documentary Insists You Imagined the Drama Theater Bombing, Lights Dimming Is Just the Power Grid", "Angle": "pop culture: 'Gaslight' remake", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "1a6c18e5", "Headline": "Russian Documentary Cracks Case, Accidentally Narrows Suspects to People Who Can Read the Sign", "Angle": "dark satire: the 'CHILDREN' sign self-own", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "1f6e5137", "Headline": "Critics Pan Kremlin's Mariupol Reshoot: 'Continuity Errors Include Everything That Happened'", "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "2c7db178", "Headline": "Ministry of Culture: Documentary Ready for Release, Evidence Under a Shitload of Fresh Concrete", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: demolition before the premiere", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "402932d5", "Headline": "Ministry of Culture Premieres Theater Film on Schedule After Rebuilding Theater, Which Officials Say Is Still Damp", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: demolition before the premiere", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "450a123e", "Headline": "Critics Pan Moscow's 'Gaslight' Remake: 'Plot Holes You Could Drive a Tank Through'", "Angle": "pop culture: 'Gaslight' remake", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "64d34ace", "Headline": "Ministry of Culture Announces Mariupol Documentary, Confirms Shitload of Concrete Poured Over Filming Location", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: demolition before the premiere", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "652e4704", "Headline": "Kremlin Unveils Faithful 'Gaslight' Remake, Skips Ingrid Bergman, Casts State Media", "Angle": "pop culture: 'Gaslight' remake", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "85575794", "Headline": "Kremlin-Friendly Film's Big Reveal Is Written in Russian, Visible From Above, and Fatal to Its Own Thesis", "Angle": "dark satire: the 'CHILDREN' sign self-own", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "884808a6", "Headline": "Mariupol Reshoots Stall as Original Cast Remains Unavailable, Citing Russian Airstrike", "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "9692be76", "Headline": "Kremlin Orders Mariupol Theater Reshoots, Wants Ukraine Recast as Villain", "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "a1f0378f", "Headline": "Film Cites 'Children' Sign as Key Evidence, Narrator Trails Off Around 'Who Reads Russian'", "Angle": "dark satire: the 'CHILDREN' sign self-own", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "a4624af4", "Headline": "Critics Consensus: 'Volatile, Homely, and Bravely Unburdened by Footage'", "Angle": "format-borrowing: Rotten Tomatoes review aggregator", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "ab89f13b", "Headline": "Mariupol Theater Film Scores 100% From Critics, 'Unavailable' From Satellite Imagery, Survivors, and Reality", "Angle": "format-borrowing: Rotten Tomatoes review aggregator", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "ac4f4c7c", "Headline": "Kremlin Documentary on Mariupol Theater Certified Fresh by Critics Who Also Wrote the Script", "Angle": "format-borrowing: Rotten Tomatoes review aggregator", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "bbc13332", "Headline": "Russia's 'Gaslight' Adaptation Stays True to Source Material: Deny Everything, Blame the Wife, Flatten the Playhouse", "Angle": "pop culture: 'Gaslight' remake", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c988fabd", "Headline": "Russian Documentary Blames Ukraine for Theater Ruins, Which Were Removed Last Spring Along With a Shitload of Other Context", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: demolition before the premiere", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d438bcb3", "Headline": "Russian Film Rewrites Mariupol Theater Bombing, Still Can't Fix the Third Act: The Evidence", "Angle": "format-borrowing: Rotten Tomatoes review aggregator", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "f2d35c42", "Headline": "Documentary's Smoking Gun: Sign Was in Russian, Meant for Pilots to Read From Above, Pilots Who Were, Um, Let's Go to a Different Clip", "Angle": "dark satire: the 'CHILDREN' sign self-own", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "e74c99c5", "Headline": "Governments Thank Ebola Expert for 50 Years of Nothing Happening by Eliminating His Budget Line", "OriginalHeadline": "He Helped Discover Ebola 50 Years Ago. He\u2019s Still Worried.", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Dark satire: the prevention paradox and funding cuts", "AngleSetup": "Say the cruel logic out loud. Fifty years of containing outbreaks before they reach Ohio has persuaded the governments that pay for it that Ebola must not be a real problem, so they cut the budget as a reward for success. The structure is a congratulatory press release, with officials thanking Piot by defunding him, the way the UNAIDS and USAID cuts actually landed.", "Rank": 4, "YearMonthDay": "20261012", "StoryId": "hvmix", "Description": "In an interview, Dr. Peter Piot recalled when he first saw the spindly virus under a microscope and reflected on a five-decade career spent fighting two deadly pathogens.\n\n[Photo: Dr. Peter Piot was the first scientist to identify the Ebola virus as a young researcher in Belgium in 1976.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/12/us/politics/peter-piot-ebola-hiv.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/13/multimedia/11DC-PIOT-top-pmqz/11DC-PIOT-top-pmqz-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-12T09:02:05+00:00", "EditorNote": "The man who discovered Ebola 50 years ago, after a career fighting it, is 'still worried,' a half-century of progress summed up in his weary sigh.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "e74c99c5", "Headline": "Governments Thank Ebola Expert for 50 Years of Nothing Happening by Eliminating His Budget Line", "Angle": "Dark satire: the prevention paradox and funding cuts", "Rank": 4, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d3e41f37", "Headline": "Ebola Co-Discoverer Still Can't Stay Positive After 50 Years of Trying Not To", "Angle": "Pun on 'positive' (test result vs. outlook)", "Rank": 11, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0c9d75f4", "Headline": "Ebola Co-Discoverer Retires to Marshall Islands to Finally Relax, Immediately Finds Two New Things to Worry About", "Angle": "Absurdist: retirement destination with no exit", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0d93e36c", "Headline": "Piot and Ebola Renew Vows in Small Ceremony, Request Guests Avoid Close Contact", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: golden wedding anniversary announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0fddd0a2", "Headline": "Belgian Microbiologist Who First Identified Ebola Virus in 1976 Reflects on Five-Decade Career, Concludes Situation Remains Fucked", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: immaculate science-desk copy, one weary verdict", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "114a7929", "Headline": "Pathogen Expert Buys Condo With 'Panoramic Ocean View' That Gets Panoramic-er Every Year", "Angle": "Absurdist: retirement destination with no exit", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "1dcc59e6", "Headline": "Golden Anniversary Couple Credits Long Marriage to 'Never Turning Your Back on Each Other'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: golden wedding anniversary announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "3e26e26c", "Headline": "Dr. Piot Tests Negative for Optimism, Positive for Professional Hazard", "Angle": "Pun on 'positive' (test result vs. outlook)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "427f98fa", "Headline": "Peter Piot, 76, Co-Discoverer of Ebola, Tells Interviewer Pathogen Outlook 'Still Fucked,' Cites Fifty Years of Data", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: immaculate science-desk copy, one weary verdict", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "48916c8a", "Headline": "Dr. Peter Piot and Ebola Celebrate 50 Years Together: 'We Met Under a Microscope in Belgium'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: golden wedding anniversary announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "49105a8f", "Headline": "Man Who Spotted Ebola in 1976 Seeks Worry-Free Retirement, Settles on Radioactive Sandbar With Rising Sea Level", "Angle": "Absurdist: retirement destination with no exit", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "6aca4c3c", "Headline": "Dr. Piot Escapes Deadly Viruses for Island Paradise Where Fallout and Flooding Handle the Anxiety", "Angle": "Absurdist: retirement destination with no exit", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "8aa4238b", "Headline": "Epidemiologist Who First Viewed Filamentous Virus Under Microscope Describes Global Preparedness as 'Fucked,' Per Peer-Reviewed Consensus", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: immaculate science-desk copy, one weary verdict", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "8e35cf88", "Headline": "Married 50 Years, Piot Says Ebola 'Still Keeps Me Up at Night,' Which Is Also Why It's a Great Marriage", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: golden wedding anniversary announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "95b5f103", "Headline": "Ebola Outbreaks Contained Before Reaching Ohio, Proving Ebola Was Never a Problem, Officials Say", "Angle": "Dark satire: the prevention paradox and funding cuts", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "95c76e67", "Headline": "Man Who Spent Half a Century Hoping Everything Tests Negative Has Gloomy Outlook", "Angle": "Pun on 'positive' (test result vs. outlook)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "ca816b3e", "Headline": "Scientist Who Fought Ebola and AIDS Allergic to Positive Thinking, Doctors Confirm", "Angle": "Pun on 'positive' (test result vs. outlook)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d42e5132", "Headline": "Congratulations, Dr. Piot: Your Flawless Record Has Been Used to Justify Firing You", "Angle": "Dark satire: the prevention paradox and funding cuts", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "db7d246f", "Headline": "Scientist's Decades of Success Rewarded With Cuts: 'Clearly No Longer Needed,' Says Nation Not Currently Dying", "Angle": "Dark satire: the prevention paradox and funding cuts", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e461e0b1", "Headline": "Sources Confirm: Scientist Who Spotted Ebola in 1976 Remains Worried, Rates Current State of Things 'Fucked' on Standard Five-Point Scale", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: immaculate science-desk copy, one weary verdict", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "1b01207b", "Headline": "Call Now to Double Your Impact: Every Barrel America Buys Keeps Putin's War Machine on the Air", "OriginalHeadline": "Trump Gives Putin a Hand in Russia\u2019s Economic War With Ukraine", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Format-borrowing: public-TV pledge drive with matching gift", "AngleSetup": "Write it as PBS pledge-drive copy: 'For tonight only, every gallon of diesel America purchases will be MATCHED by a generous donor in Moscow, one Kalibr missile per barrel.' The cheerful 'double your impact' fundraiser language turns the US purchase into a donation drive for the war, with Ukraine as the beneficiary nobody asked.", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261012", "StoryId": "zxiea", "Description": "President Trump is moving to buy Russian diesel while also pressuring Ukraine to halt attacks on refineries, a lifeblood of Moscow\u2019s war machine.\n\n[Photo: Smoke rising from fires at an oil refinery after what the authorities said was a Ukrainian drone strike in Moscow last month.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/12/world/europe/russia-diesel-trump.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/12/multimedia/12int-ukraine-economy-01-tfgm/12int-ukraine-economy-01-tfgm-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-12T17:20:14+00:00", "EditorNote": "The President is buying Russian diesel while asking Ukraine to please stop blowing up the refineries that make it, which makes the US a paying customer of the war machine it is supposed to be choking.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "1b01207b", "Headline": "Call Now to Double Your Impact: Every Barrel America Buys Keeps Putin's War Machine on the Air", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: public-TV pledge drive with matching gift", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0297dfc0", "Headline": "Ukraine Asked to Stop Bombing the Refineries Because the Guy Needs His Fix", "Angle": "Pop culture: Neil Young's 'The Needle and the Damage Done'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0cff3fa8", "Headline": "Drone Strike on Moscow Refinery Ruled 'Vandalism of U.S. Property' by Very Serious Panel", "Angle": "Dark reversal: Ukraine as habitual offender", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0ea8620d", "Headline": "Trump Urges Ukraine to Stop Blowing Up Shit He Has Paid For, Pending Delivery", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the customer's complaint", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "16824cee", "Headline": "Trump to Ukraine: Real Gentlemen Don't Strike Crude, They Buy It at a Discount", "Angle": "Pun on 'crude' / 'refinement'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "1b939ad2", "Headline": "Kyiv Slapped With Sanctions for Aggression Against Fuel America Already Paid For", "Angle": "Dark reversal: Ukraine as habitual offender", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "1cbc2516", "Headline": "Trump Thanks Viewers Like You for Making This Invasion Possible, Offers Free Tote Bag at the $500 Million Level", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: public-TV pledge drive with matching gift", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "2c7da6e7", "Headline": "Pledge Drive: Buy Russian Diesel Tonight and a Generous Donor in Moscow Will Match Your Gift With One Kalibr Missile Per Barrel", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: public-TV pledge drive with matching gift", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "30f2d98a", "Headline": "Etiquette Coach Trump Reminds Kyiv That Nice Countries Don't Torch a Guest's Refineries", "Angle": "Pun on 'crude' / 'refinement'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "3b4739c0", "Headline": "Man Who Says Putin Is the Problem Also Putin's Best Customer", "Angle": "Pop culture: Neil Young's 'The Needle and the Damage Done'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "4ff1a385", "Headline": "Trump Scolds Ukraine for Crude Behavior, Asks That Drones Please Use Inside Voices", "Angle": "Pun on 'crude' / 'refinement'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "630bb5b7", "Headline": "White House Requests Kyiv Cease Striking Refineries, Noting Diesel Is Already in the Cart", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the customer's complaint", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "6475a109", "Headline": "Your Diesel Purchase Supports Programming You Love, Like 'Siege of Kharkiv' and 'Antiques Roadshow: Refinery Edition'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: public-TV pledge drive with matching gift", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "69916957", "Headline": "Trump Urges Zelensky to Show More Refinement, Stop Blowing Up Refineries", "Angle": "Pun on 'crude' / 'refinement'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "72ba9a6a", "Headline": "Pentagon Labels Ukraine 'Habitual Offender' After Repeated Unprovoked Attacks on Our Diesel Supplier", "Angle": "Dark reversal: Ukraine as habitual offender", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "8190ae19", "Headline": "The Diesel and the Damage Done: U.S. Keeps Buying From Dealer, Asks Dealer's Victims to Please Stop Interfering With Supply", "Angle": "Pop culture: Neil Young's 'The Needle and the Damage Done'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "81ea3312", "Headline": "Ukraine Warned: One More Refinery Fire and We'll Have to Call Your Mom, and Also Cut Off Your Aid", "Angle": "Dark reversal: Ukraine as habitual offender", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "8cb210f8", "Headline": "State Department: Ukraine Should Not Destroy Refineries Whose Output Is Currently Our Shit", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the customer's complaint", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "948a8385", "Headline": "Energy Security Council Condemns Ukraine's Pattern of Setting Fire to Our Vendors", "Angle": "Dark reversal: Ukraine as habitual offender", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "9d84fe11", "Headline": "Trump Sure He Can Quit Russian Diesel Any Time, Just Wants to Taste It First", "Angle": "Pop culture: Neil Young's 'The Needle and the Damage Done'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "b415294a", "Headline": "Citing Ongoing Purchase Agreement, White House Asks Ukraine to Stop Blowing Up Shit It Just Bought", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: 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"Rank": 22, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "65799724", "Headline": "OKsWagen Organizers Finally Work Out the Bugs, Decide to Keep Them", "Angle": "Compound pun on 'working out the bugs'", "Rank": 23, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "6ab0af04", "Headline": "Commanders Travel Up Shit Creek in Fourth Quarter, Back Down in Overtime, Finish Exactly Where They Started", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the round trip up the creek", "Rank": 23, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "bd66a31a", "Headline": "Columnist Presents Mounds of Evidence Against Halloween Candy; Defense Calls Case Riddled with Whoppers", "Angle": "PUN / WORDPLAY: the candy aisle as evidence locker", "Rank": 23, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c267a68d", "Headline": "Harbaugh, Ownership Stand 'Shoulder to Shoulder' in Fight That Is Going Like Shit", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the joint statement's quiet admission", "Rank": 23, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": 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