{"PaperName": "The Wide Bulletin", "Stories": [{"HeadlineId": "439d73c4", "Headline": "Senator Deplores Broadcast of Execution as Affront to Decorum, Confirms He Has Already Cleared Calendar", "OriginalHeadline": "Some G.O.P. Lawmakers Pan Hegseth\u2019s Plan to Stream Execution of Fort Hood Shooter", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: GOP 'principled objection'", "AngleSetup": "Write immaculate wire copy of a senator's measured concern about decorum and the solemnity of capital punishment, then end on a weary profane admission that he'll be watching anyway. 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Describe him only by the one requirement of his position, so the headline reads like a gentle career-change story: 'Man Whose Entire Job Was Not Crashing Plane Concludes Job Not Right for Him.' The deadpan workplace-burnout framing exposes how absolute the trust is, and how nobody checked whether he still believed in the core purpose of the role.", "Rank": 2, "YearMonthDay": "20261009", "StoryId": "u17oe", "Description": "The attorney general of the United Arab Emirates said that the co-pilot had been inspired by the Sept. 11 attacks after years of descending into extremism.\n\n[Photo: Emirati investigators said that the co-pilot in the FlyDubai flight had intended to crash into Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv \u201cwith the aim of causing the greatest possible loss of life.\u201d]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/09/world/middleeast/flydubai-pilot-attack.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/09/multimedia/09int-uae-flydubai-1-fctk/09int-uae-flydubai-1-fctk-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-09T19:40:54+00:00", "EditorNote": "A co-pilot spent years sliding into extremism, then tried to crash into Ben Gurion airport, and nobody at the airline noticed until investigators reconstructed it afterward.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "42716253", "Headline": "Man Whose Entire Job Was Not Crashing Plane Concludes Role Not Right for Him", "Angle": "Circumlocution: describing the co-pilot purely by his job", "Rank": 2, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "057746a2", "Headline": "FlyDubai Co-Pilot's Final Review: 'Meets Expectations' in Fuel Management, Punctuality; 'Areas for Growth' Include Not Doing Any of This", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: annual pilot performance review", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "0c04d2f0", "Headline": "Emirati Probe Finds Co-Pilot Nailed His Descent Into Extremism, Flunked Basic Humanity", "Angle": "Pun on 'descending' (aviation grading language)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "2b1e5ff3", "Headline": "Co-Pilot's Slide Into Extremism Called 'Textbook Glide Path'; Failed Every Other Part of the Check Ride", "Angle": "Pun on 'descending' (aviation grading language)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "3593a4a1", "Headline": "Co-Pilot's Performance Review Praises Radio Discipline, Flags 'Extremism' Under Teamwork as 'Opportunity for Development'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: annual pilot performance review", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "51f40dbb", "Headline": "Nation's Airports Confiscate Nail Clippers From Passengers, Remain Confident About the Guy Holding the Steering Wheel", "Angle": "Dark satire: security theater aimed at the wrong end of the plane", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "5340012b", "Headline": "Years of Steady Descent Into Extremism Earn Co-Pilot Perfect Score From Nobody Anywhere", "Angle": "Pun on 'descending' (aviation grading language)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "635f84a3", "Headline": "Co-Pilot Loses Sight of Core Purpose of Position, Which Was Mainly Not Doing That", "Angle": "Circumlocution: describing the co-pilot purely by his job", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "7dc1895d", "Headline": "FlyDubai Assures Public Its Vetting Process Is Robust, Layered, Industry-Leading, and Clearly Not Fucking Working", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: airline crisis-PR statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "806802c0", "Headline": "FlyDubai Stresses Pilot Screening Remains Rigorous, Comprehensive, Multi-Layered, and Evidently Fucking Decorative", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: airline crisis-PR statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "806df787", "Headline": "Employee Hired to Keep Plane Aloft Reportedly Had Concerns About Company Mission", "Angle": "Circumlocution: describing the co-pilot purely by his job", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "8115c525", "Headline": "HR Admits 'Exceeds Expectations in Tel Aviv Navigation' Should Have Prompted a Follow-Up Meeting", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: annual pilot performance review", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "99cf289b", "Headline": "Colleagues Endorsed Co-Pilot's 'Ben Gurion Approaches' Skill on Workplace Profile, Nobody Asked Why", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: annual pilot performance review", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "9cea7618", "Headline": "Grandmother From Delaware Shoeless and Sobbing as Man With Keys to the Plane Walks Through Unexamined", "Angle": "Dark satire: security theater aimed at the wrong end of the plane", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "a1e15db9", "Headline": "TSA Reports Total Victory Over Yogurt, Is Not Looking at the Cockpit", "Angle": "Dark satire: security theater aimed at the wrong end of the plane", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "aaf076c4", "Headline": "Review Finds No One Asked Man Paid to Not Crash Plane If He Still Felt Passionate About It", "Angle": "Circumlocution: describing the co-pilot purely by his job", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "bc5b290d", "Headline": "Delaware Man Loses 4-oz Yogurt to Security Forty Feet Behind Cockpit Man With Seven-Year Plan", "Angle": "Dark satire: security theater aimed at the wrong end of the plane", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "c1d3e71f", "Headline": "FlyDubai Remains Committed to Thorough Psychological Evaluation, Whatever the Fuck That Was Last Time", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: airline crisis-PR statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "e5226523", "Headline": "Investigators: Radicalization Was Smooth, Gradual, and Stabilized; Judgment Remained in Uncontrolled Flight", "Angle": "Pun on 'descending' (aviation grading language)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "ff650ce1", "Headline": "FlyDubai Reaffirms Commitment to Rigorous Hiring, Pending Discovery of Where the Fuck It Keeps the Rigor", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: airline crisis-PR statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "791868f2", "Headline": "AI Was Supposed to End Humanity's Jobs, but War Had Seniority", "OriginalHeadline": "The Winning Stock Funds This Time Weren\u2019t Tech. They Were Energy.", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Dark reversal: AI vs. war as job destroyer", "AngleSetup": "Tech was supposed to win by promising to wipe out the human workforce. War beat it to the punch at the old, proven task of reducing the population. Frame it as a disappointed tech analyst conceding that the legacy incumbent still dominates the human-elimination market.", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261009", "StoryId": "rnab8", "Description": "Stock and bond fund returns for the quarter were bad nearly everywhere you looked, our columnist says. Energy stocks, lifted by the war with Iran, were an exception.", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/09/business/stock-bonds-tech-energy.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/11/business/11bizsun-strategies-illo-sub2/11bizsun-strategies-illo-sub2-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-09T09:03:21+00:00", "EditorNote": "", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "791868f2", "Headline": "AI Was Supposed to End Humanity's Jobs, but War Had Seniority", "Angle": "Dark reversal: AI vs. war as job destroyer", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "0af4520e", "Headline": "Quarterly Letter Confirms Retirement Plan Is Balanced Portfolio, Prudent Rebalancing, and Whatever Shit Happens in the Persian Gulf", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the advisor's quarterly letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "16eca323", "Headline": "El Paso Retiree Beats Market by Filling Backyard Pool with Unleaded", "Angle": "Absurdist: El Paso retiree's gasoline pool", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "1b6ef2cd", "Headline": "Defensive Stocks Lag as Investors Rotate Into Offensive Sector", "Angle": "Pun on 'defensive stocks'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "229b104d", "Headline": "HOA Cites Retiree's Gasoline Pool for 'Fumes,' 'Fire Hazard,' Unapproved Asset Allocation", "Angle": "Absurdist: El Paso retiree's gasoline pool", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "31bf9a0d", "Headline": "Silicon Valley Shocked as Old-Fashioned Conflict Kills Human Workforce Faster Than Machine Learning", "Angle": "Dark reversal: AI vs. war as job destroyer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "35980878", "Headline": "Advisor Urges Clients to Stay the Course, Maintain Diversified Allocation, and Hope Shit Keeps Exploding Near Strait of Hormuz", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the advisor's quarterly letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "448beef1", "Headline": "Sector Rotation Favors Offensive Stocks, Particularly Those Currently Being Offensive", "Angle": "Pun on 'defensive stocks'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "47e4a327", "Headline": "Please Read the Prospectus Carefully, Then Call Your Congressman About Starting Another War", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: fund prospectus disclaimer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "489438e5", "Headline": "Dear Valued Client: Your Asset Allocation Remains Sound Provided Shit Continues Exploding Near Oil Tankers", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the advisor's quarterly letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "49d09380", "Headline": "Prospectus Update: Fund Cannot Guarantee Future Wars, Asks Investors to Help Close the Gap", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: fund prospectus disclaimer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "49e37251", "Headline": "Energy Fund Soars on Iran Conflict; Compliance Dept. Notes Wars Are Not Guaranteed, Shareholders Encouraged to Take Action", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: fund prospectus disclaimer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "61dc7335", "Headline": "Energy Fund Reminds Shareholders That Past Performance Is Not Indicative of Future Results, Encourages Them to Contact Their Representatives", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: fund prospectus disclaimer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "76d8b88e", "Headline": "Fund Manager Reaffirms Long-Term Discipline: Bonds for Stability, Equities for Growth, Shit Exploding Abroad for Energy", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the advisor's quarterly letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "a22bea68", "Headline": "Quarter's Best Performers Were Not Defensive, Analysts Note, Gesturing at Entire Middle East", "Angle": "Pun on 'defensive stocks'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "adcbb3ba", "Headline": "Valero Surges as 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