{"PaperName": "The Lyrical Daily", "Stories": [{"HeadlineId": "d44f53b2", "Headline": "Security Confiscates Nail Clippers, Tweezers, and 101ml of Conditioner, Then Hands Co-Pilot Entire Airplane", "OriginalHeadline": "Attacker in FlyDubai Flight Meant to Crash Into Israeli Airport, Emiratis Say", "ShowOriginal": true, "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "AngleSetup": "Billions in screening go toward taking passengers' sharp objects and 101ml shampoo bottles, then the system hands the plane to the one person who actually wanted to crash it. Itemize everything security confiscated from passengers, then end on what it gave the co-pilot.", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261012", "StoryId": "fe4g4", "Description": "The attorney general of the United Arab Emirates said that the co-pilot had been inspired by the Sept. 11 attacks after  years of developing extreme Islamist views.\n\n[Photo: Emirati investigators said that the co-pilot in the FlyDubai flight had intended to crash into Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv \u201cwith the aim of causing the greatest possible loss of life.\u201d]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/09/world/middleeast/flydubai-pilot-attack.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/09/multimedia/09int-uae-flydubai-1-fctk/09int-uae-flydubai-1-fctk-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-12T16:18:26+00:00", "EditorNote": "A commercial co-pilot inspired by 9/11 meant to crash into Ben Gurion, and the attack was apparently planned by the person whose whole job is to land the plane.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "d44f53b2", "Headline": "Security Confiscates Nail Clippers, Tweezers, and 101ml of Conditioner, Then Hands Co-Pilot Entire Airplane", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0dddde8f", "Headline": "Billions Spent Guarding Against Corkscrews, Snow Globes, and Travel Shampoo; Controls Left to a Guy", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 9, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "347f208f", "Headline": "Airport Display Reports 'Premeditated' in Same Cheerful Font as 'On Time'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: airport departures board", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e68d0385", "Headline": "Regulators Confirm Reinforced Cockpit Door Worked Exactly as Designed, Which Is the Fucking Problem", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the post-9/11 reinforced cockpit door", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "24a09909", "Headline": "Passengers Surrender Scissors, Sunscreen, and Shoes So One Man Could Be Trusted With the Throttle", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "7905b78f", "Headline": "Grandma's Knitting Needles Seized, Toddler's Juice Box Seized, Man With the Steering Wheel Waved Through", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "18326d2b", "Headline": "FlyDubai Defends Co-Pilot as Meek, Punctual, and 'Fully Committed to Reaching Tel Aviv'", "Angle": "Reversal: airline praises the co-pilot's commitment to the destination", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "40562ff6", "Headline": "Gate B12 Now Boarding, Status Screen Declines to Editorialize", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: airport departures board", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "5219c3f4", "Headline": "Aviation Authority Reaffirms Cockpit Door Is Impenetrable to All Persons Inside and Out, Admits This Is a Fucking Oversight", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the post-9/11 reinforced cockpit door", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "5d080b51", "Headline": "Post-9/11 Cockpit Door Performs to Specification, Keeps Unauthorized Persons Out and One Fucking Authorized Person In", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the post-9/11 reinforced cockpit door", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "7b24b6bd", "Headline": "Airline Praises Co-Pilot's Exemplary Record: 'Never Once Late, and He Was Not Going to Start Then'", "Angle": "Reversal: airline praises the co-pilot's commitment to the destination", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "7d91e55f", "Headline": "'Nobody Here Wanted to Reach Tel Aviv More,' Says FlyDubai HR, Reviewing Performance File", "Angle": "Reversal: airline praises the co-pilot's commitment to the destination", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "9983a5f0", "Headline": "FlyDubai Statement Calls Co-Pilot 'Goal-Oriented Team Player' Who Always Saw Flights Through to the End", "Angle": "Reversal: airline praises the co-pilot's commitment to the destination", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "aa957950", "Headline": "FlyDubai 981 | DXB \u2192 TLV | Gate B12 | Now Boarding | Status: PREMEDITATED", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: airport departures board", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d345036b", "Headline": "Safety Board Praises Reinforced Door's 100 Percent Success Rate, Concedes Its Single Fucking Flaw Was Seated Up Front", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the post-9/11 reinforced cockpit door", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e9c9e0c3", "Headline": "Departures Board Adds 'Premeditated' to Status Options, Right Under 'Delayed' and Above 'Gate Changed'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: airport departures board", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "866d5b5f", "Headline": "Director's Cut of Mariupol Theater Bombing Mysteriously Removes Russia", "OriginalHeadline": "Russian Film Aims to Rewrite History of Deadly Theater Bombing in Ukraine", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "AngleSetup": "In film, a 'reshoot' fixes a scene that didn't play right in the edit. In Mariupol it means shooting the same place a second time. Frame it as trade-press production news: Russia orders reshoots of the Mariupol theater sequence with Ukraine recast as the villain, and the original cast is unavailable to return.", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261012", "StoryId": "7jmcx", "Description": "A documentary claims that Ukraine, not Russia, attacked the drama theater in Mariupol, where hundreds of civilians died.\n\n[Photo: The remains of the theater in Mariupol, eastern Ukraine, in April 2022, in a photograph taken when the area was under pro-Russian control. The Russian airstrike on the building killed hundreds of civilians.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/12/world/europe/mariupol-theater-russian-documentary-witnesses.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/09/30/world/00int-russia-documentary-01/00int-russia-documentary-01-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-12T09:00:56+00:00", "EditorNote": "Russia made a documentary arguing Ukraine bombed the Mariupol theater it bombed, gaslighting as a film genre ripe for fake awards-season coverage.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "866d5b5f", "Headline": "Director's Cut of Mariupol Theater Bombing Mysteriously Removes Russia", "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "19a62346", "Headline": "Russian Documentary Insists You Imagined the Drama Theater Bombing, Lights Dimming Is Just the Power Grid", "Angle": "pop culture: 'Gaslight' remake", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "1a6c18e5", "Headline": "Russian Documentary Cracks Case, Accidentally Narrows Suspects to People Who Can Read the Sign", "Angle": "dark satire: the 'CHILDREN' sign self-own", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "1f6e5137", "Headline": "Critics Pan Kremlin's Mariupol Reshoot: 'Continuity Errors Include Everything That Happened'", "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "2c7db178", "Headline": "Ministry of Culture: Documentary Ready for Release, Evidence Under a Shitload of Fresh Concrete", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: demolition before the premiere", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "402932d5", "Headline": "Ministry of Culture Premieres Theater Film on Schedule After Rebuilding Theater, Which Officials Say Is Still Damp", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: demolition before the premiere", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "450a123e", "Headline": "Critics Pan Moscow's 'Gaslight' Remake: 'Plot Holes You Could Drive a Tank Through'", "Angle": "pop culture: 'Gaslight' remake", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "64d34ace", "Headline": "Ministry of Culture Announces Mariupol Documentary, Confirms Shitload of Concrete Poured Over Filming Location", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: demolition before the premiere", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "652e4704", "Headline": "Kremlin Unveils Faithful 'Gaslight' Remake, Skips Ingrid Bergman, Casts State Media", "Angle": "pop culture: 'Gaslight' remake", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "85575794", "Headline": "Kremlin-Friendly Film's Big Reveal Is Written in Russian, Visible From Above, and Fatal to Its Own Thesis", "Angle": "dark satire: the 'CHILDREN' sign self-own", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "884808a6", "Headline": "Mariupol Reshoots Stall as Original Cast Remains Unavailable, Citing Russian Airstrike", "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "9692be76", "Headline": "Kremlin Orders Mariupol Theater Reshoots, Wants Ukraine Recast as Villain", "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "a1f0378f", "Headline": "Film Cites 'Children' Sign as Key Evidence, Narrator Trails Off Around 'Who Reads Russian'", "Angle": "dark satire: the 'CHILDREN' sign self-own", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "a4624af4", "Headline": "Critics Consensus: 'Volatile, Homely, and Bravely Unburdened by Footage'", "Angle": "format-borrowing: Rotten Tomatoes review aggregator", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "ab89f13b", "Headline": "Mariupol Theater Film Scores 100% From Critics, 'Unavailable' From Satellite Imagery, Survivors, and Reality", "Angle": "format-borrowing: Rotten Tomatoes review aggregator", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "ac4f4c7c", "Headline": "Kremlin Documentary on Mariupol Theater Certified Fresh by Critics Who Also Wrote the Script", "Angle": "format-borrowing: Rotten Tomatoes review aggregator", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "bbc13332", "Headline": "Russia's 'Gaslight' Adaptation Stays True to Source Material: Deny Everything, Blame the Wife, Flatten the Playhouse", "Angle": "pop culture: 'Gaslight' remake", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c988fabd", "Headline": "Russian Documentary Blames Ukraine for Theater Ruins, Which Were Removed Last Spring Along With a Shitload of Other Context", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: demolition before the premiere", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d438bcb3", "Headline": "Russian Film Rewrites Mariupol Theater Bombing, Still Can't Fix the Third Act: The Evidence", "Angle": "format-borrowing: Rotten Tomatoes review aggregator", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "f2d35c42", "Headline": "Documentary's Smoking Gun: Sign Was in Russian, Meant for Pilots to Read From Above, Pilots Who Were, Um, Let's Go to a Different Clip", "Angle": "dark satire: the 'CHILDREN' sign self-own", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "7f1bc8fe", "Headline": "Saudi Labor Ministry Clarifies Kingdom's Strike Ban Applies Only to Workers", "OriginalHeadline": "Strikes Put Saudi Arabia\u2019s Economy Under Pressure", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Pun on 'strikes': the only kind the kingdom permits", "AngleSetup": "Saudi Arabia bans labor strikes and unions outright. The joke is a Labor Ministry clarification that the national strike ban covers workers only, making Houthi missiles the sole legal strikers in the country. It's a double meaning that works aloud and lands on the kingdom's treatment of its labor force rather than on the attack's victims. Possible headline: 'Saudi Labor Ministry Clarifies Kingdom's Strike Ban Applies Only to Workers.'", "Rank": 3, "YearMonthDay": "20261012", "StoryId": "mklpd", "Description": "Deadly attacks on the main Saudi airport add to the challenges facing the country, as it seeks to maintain energy production and keep major events on track.\n\n[Photo: Saudi Arabia won\u2019t be deterred by Houthi strikes, including on the country\u2019s biggest airport, Prince Abdulaziz bin Salman, the Saudi energy minister, said.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/12/business/dealbook/saudi-arabia-strikes-energy-airport.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/12/multimedia/12db-saudi-energy-kjfw/12db-saudi-energy-kjfw-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-12T12:44:16+00:00", "EditorNote": "Houthi strikes keep hitting Saudi Arabia's biggest airport, and the Saudi priority is keeping the 'major events' on schedule.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "7f1bc8fe", "Headline": "Saudi Labor Ministry Clarifies Kingdom's Strike Ban Applies Only to Workers", "Angle": "Pun on 'strikes': the only kind the kingdom permits", "Rank": 3, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "cedcbb1e", "Headline": "Riyadh Cracks Down on Unauthorized Strikes, Remains Neutral on Incoming Ones", "Angle": "Pun on 'strikes': the only kind the kingdom permits", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0c8f9ecb", "Headline": "LIV Golf Reassures Players Sand Traps Now Double as Bomb Shelters, Still Cannot Be Grounded", "Angle": "Pop culture: 'Live and Let Die' x LIV Golf", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "2238178d", "Headline": "LIV and Let Die: Saudi Golf Tour Says Shotgun Starts Will Proceed as Scheduled, Plus Ballistic Ones", "Angle": "Pop culture: 'Live and Let Die' x LIV Golf", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "4b37e6db", "Headline": "Saudi Officials Shout 'Fore!' at Incoming Missiles, Call Them 'Just Another Hazard'", "Angle": "Pop culture: 'Live and Let Die' x LIV Golf", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "6e4d656e", "Headline": "Turbulence Expected in Saudi Economy: Please Stow Tray Tables and Oil Forecasts", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: in-flight cabin announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "71f70fe5", "Headline": "Energy Minister Assures Passengers Kingdom Is Not Deterred, Merely Cruising at Lower Altitude", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: in-flight cabin announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "74b4947b", "Headline": "Saudi Economy Turns On Fasten Seatbelt Sign, Asks Everyone Remain Seated Until Kingdom Comes to Complete Stop", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: in-flight cabin announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "8a9077f5", "Headline": "Prince Abdulaziz Says Kingdom Will Not Be Deterred by Strikes, Already Paid Ronaldo for This Shit", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the minister's real reason for resolve", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "af6eb450", "Headline": "Kingdom Reaffirms Resolve After Airport Attack, Notes Formula One, Boxing Card and Ronaldo Are Nonrefundable as Shit", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the minister's real reason for resolve", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "b14e00a9", "Headline": "Saudi Arabia Will Not Be Deterred, Energy Minister Says, Having Wired Half a Billion to a Goddamn Footballer", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the minister's real reason for resolve", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "b488447b", "Headline": "Attention Please: Riyadh Reminds Investors Some Contents May Have Shifted During Flight", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: in-flight cabin announcement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "be7ad63b", "Headline": "Houthis Join Long List of Things Stadium Schedule Has Politely Ignored", "Angle": "Dark satire: event calendar vs. body count", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c21f9f2f", "Headline": "Saudi Officials Vow Missiles Won't Delay World Cup Stadiums, Note Worker Deaths Never Did Either", "Angle": "Dark satire: event calendar vs. body count", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c3285756", "Headline": "Airport Closed Due to Strike; Labor Ministry Confirms Nobody Was Organizing It", "Angle": "Pun on 'strikes': the only kind the kingdom permits", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d16a6715", "Headline": "Saudi Energy Minister Vows Show Will Go On, Tee Times Remain 'Subject to Air Defense'", "Angle": "Pop culture: 'Live and Let Die' x LIV Golf", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d6165ad8", "Headline": "Kingdom Reassures Investors: Only Delays Will Be To Mourning, Which Is Not Scheduled", "Angle": "Dark satire: event calendar vs. body count", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e5d09426", "Headline": "Airport Strike Impact Assessment Finds Riyadh Season Ticket Sales Down, Human Cost 'Outside Scope'", "Angle": "Dark satire: event calendar vs. body count", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e5ee00ee", "Headline": "Saudi Energy Minister Vows Production and Major Events Will Proceed as Planned, Cites Bullshit Cancellation Fees", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the minister's real reason for resolve", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "ffa964b1", "Headline": "Kingdom Reminds Public That Walkouts Are Illegal, Unlike Fly-Ins", "Angle": "Pun on 'strikes': the only kind the kingdom permits", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "147ee5f2", "Headline": "Yard Sign Now Legally Required to Disclose: 'Paid for by Gary. Not Approved by Linda, Who Co-Owns This Lawn and Would Like to Keep Her Job'", "OriginalHeadline": "Dear Abby: My husband put my career at risk by making political endorsements", "ShowOriginal": true, "Angle": "Format-borrowing: FEC campaign disclaimer", "AngleSetup": "Borrow the mandatory 'Paid for by\u2026 I approved this message' disclaimer and print it on the yard sign, reworked to expose the marriage: 'Paid for by Gary. Not approved by Linda, who co-owns the lawn and would like to keep her job.' The legally required fine print becomes the domestic dispute.", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012", "StoryId": "usw4h", "Description": "Dear Abby gives advice to a woman whose husband put up political signs in their front yard without consulting her.", "Url": "https://us.headtopics.com/news/dear-abby-my-husband-put-my-career-at-risk-by-making-88710552", "ImageUrl": "https://i.headtopics.com/images/2026/10/12/nypost/dear-abby-my-husband-put-my-career-at-risk-by-maki-dear-abby-my-husband-put-my-career-at-risk-by-maki-9461AE39185A0DE4AD8248642D05E365-16x9.webp", "Source": "headtopics", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-12 07:19:00", "EditorNote": "", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "147ee5f2", "Headline": "Yard Sign Now Legally Required to Disclose: 'Paid for by Gary. Not Approved by Linda, Who Co-Owns This Lawn and Would Like to Keep Her Job'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: FEC campaign disclaimer", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "bb490cc9", "Headline": "First Amendment Still Available to All Employees Who Are No Longer Employees", "Angle": "Dark satire: your lawn is now HR's jurisdiction", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "72af256b", "Headline": "Dear Abby: He Put Signs on the Grounds Without Asking, So I Have Grounds", "Angle": "Pun on 'grounds' / 'stake'", "Rank": 25, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "13d9f01d", "Headline": "Canvassers Ring Doorbell Hourly as Couple's Front Yard Becomes Nation's Most Contested 400 Square Feet", "Angle": "Absurdist escalation: the yard becomes a swing state", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "4035fed0", "Headline": "Company Excited to Announce Free Speech Is Now an Unpaid, Off-Site Opportunity", "Angle": "Dark satire: your lawn is now HR's jurisdiction", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "50e185d7", "Headline": "Local Man's Front Lawn Endorsement Carries Fine Print: 'I'm Gary, and My Wife Did Not Approve This Message'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: FEC campaign disclaimer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "57cd0188", "Headline": "Dear Abby: My Husband's Endorsements Have Put My Job, My Marriage and Our Lawn on the Line", "Angle": "Pun on 'grounds' / 'stake'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "68c1e733", "Headline": "Husband's Lawn Sign Triggers Recount of Marriage, Precinct Officer Dispatched to Boost Turnout at Dinner", "Angle": "Absurdist escalation: the yard becomes a swing state", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "79aa405f", "Headline": "Dear Abby: Husband Paid for Political Signs, Wife Paying for It in Other Ways", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: FEC campaign disclaimer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "aa999939", "Headline": "Dear Abby Advises Wife to Calmly Discuss Yard Signs, Mutual Respect, and Who the Hell Owns This Lawn", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Abby's measured advice", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "af0ada01", "Headline": "Dear Abby: My Husband Staked Our Lawn With Political Signs, and Now My Career Is at Stake", "Angle": "Pun on 'grounds' / 'stake'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "b6334359", "Headline": "Pollster Interrupts Wife's Zoom Call to Ask How Marriage Is Trending Among Likely Spouses", "Angle": "Absurdist escalation: the yard becomes a swing state", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c6ad76e0", "Headline": "Local Yard Declared Swing State After One Sign; Campaigns Drop $4 Million on Mailbox", "Angle": "Absurdist escalation: the yard becomes a swing state", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d4c439d6", "Headline": "FEC Urged to Require 'Not Authorized by Spouse' Label on All Residential Yard Signs", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: FEC campaign disclaimer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "dc9a095e", "Headline": "Dear Abby: Is a Front Yard Full of Wire Stakes Grounds for Divorce?", "Angle": "Pun on 'grounds' / 'stake'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "dd6efd72", "Headline": "Abby Urges Wife to Use \"I Feel\" Statements, Such as \"I Feel Like You Fucked Up My Career\"", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Abby's measured advice", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e8eac2c3", "Headline": "Abby Recommends Couple Make Political Decisions Jointly, Preferably Before He Plants Shit in the Front Yard", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Abby's measured advice", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "ea63d39e", "Headline": "At-Will Employment Extends to Yard, Mailbox, and Any Opinions Within Line of Sight", "Angle": "Dark satire: your lawn is now HR's jurisdiction", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "fde9fda5", "Headline": "HR Reminds Employees: Front Lawn Now Considered Workplace, Please Keep Shrubbery Neutral", "Angle": "Dark satire: your lawn is now HR's jurisdiction", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "fe91758f", "Headline": "Dear Abby: Open Communication Is Key, and So Is Pulling the Fucking Sign Out Before Your Boss Drives By", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Abby's measured advice", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}]}], "TopHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "7f1bc8fe", "Headline": "Saudi Labor Ministry Clarifies Kingdom's Strike Ban Applies Only to Workers", "Angle": "Pun on 'strikes': the only kind the kingdom permits", "Rank": 3, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d44f53b2", "Headline": "Security Confiscates Nail Clippers, Tweezers, and 101ml of Conditioner, Then Hands Co-Pilot Entire Airplane", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "15f629a4", "Headline": "Researchers Exhaust All Medical Explanations for Bedwetting Dogs, Reluctantly Conclude It's Contempt", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: peer-reviewed journal abstract", "Rank": 2, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e74c99c5", "Headline": "Governments Thank Ebola Expert for 50 Years of Nothing Happening by Eliminating His Budget Line", "Angle": "Dark satire: the prevention paradox and funding cuts", "Rank": 4, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "753ece2d", "Headline": "Area 51 Hangar Passes Fire Inspection, Fails Euclid", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: municipal building inspection report", "Rank": 5, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "9ca703b1", "Headline": "Corruption Trial Outlasts Another Election, Begins Drawing Pension", "Angle": "Dark satire: consequential for whom", "Rank": 6, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "74ca8c51", "Headline": "Cornell Urges Campus Not to Rush to Judgment; Rush Proceeds as Scheduled", "Angle": "Pun on 'rush'", "Rank": 7, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "852cca57", "Headline": "University Forms Task Force to Review Findings of 2009 Task Force, 2014 Task Force, 2019 Fucking Task Force", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the report pile", "Rank": 8, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "0dddde8f", "Headline": "Billions Spent Guarding Against Corkscrews, Snow Globes, and Travel Shampoo; Controls Left to a Guy", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 9, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "9cf92cc6", "Headline": "Cornell Officials Express Shock at Fraternity Allegations Detailed in Reports From 2009, 2014 and the Fucking 2019 One", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the report pile", "Rank": 10, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d3e41f37", "Headline": "Ebola Co-Discoverer Still Can't Stay Positive After 50 Years of Trying Not To", "Angle": "Pun on 'positive' (test result vs. outlook)", "Rank": 11, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "866d5b5f", "Headline": "Director's Cut of Mariupol Theater Bombing Mysteriously Removes Russia", "Angle": "pun on 'reshoot'", "Rank": 12, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "3bc28710", "Headline": "Officials Praise Open Competition, Immediately Install Tariffs to Make Sure Nobody Wins It", "Angle": "Dark satire: free market until it works", "Rank": 13, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "9b9674b6", "Headline": "Iran Offers to Mediate Between Both Sides of the Table, Is Both Sides of the Table", "Angle": "Absurdist: peace talks held in a mirror", "Rank": 14, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "cc797917", "Headline": "Only Route Still Operating Between Two Capitals Is the War; No Delays Expected", "Angle": "FORMAT-BORROWING: airport arrivals board", "Rank": 15, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "18d9bebc", "Headline": "University Needs Years to Review Allegations, Four Days to Fill Pledge Class", "Angle": "Pun on 'rush'", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "1b01207b", "Headline": "Call Now to Double Your Impact: Every Barrel America Buys Keeps Putin's War Machine on the Air", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: public-TV pledge drive with matching gift", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "347f208f", "Headline": "Airport Display Reports 'Premeditated' in Same Cheerful Font as 'On Time'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: airport departures board", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "9589c544", "Headline": "Shared Values Discovered: Europe and Taliban Both Agree Afghans Should Be in Afghanistan", "Angle": "Reversal: Taliban as the human-rights scold", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "b5b8e5b6", "Headline": "Security Experts Praise Cockpit Door For Locking Captain Safely In Room With Problem", "Angle": "Reversal: the reinforced cockpit door works perfectly", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "147ee5f2", "Headline": "Yard Sign Now Legally Required to Disclose: 'Paid for by Gary. Not Approved by Linda, Who Co-Owns This Lawn and Would Like to Keep Her Job'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: FEC campaign disclaimer", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "cedcbb1e", "Headline": "Riyadh Cracks Down on Unauthorized Strikes, Remains Neutral on Incoming Ones", "Angle": "Pun on 'strikes': the only kind the kingdom permits", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e68d0385", "Headline": "Regulators Confirm Reinforced Cockpit Door Worked Exactly as Designed, Which Is the Fucking Problem", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the post-9/11 reinforced cockpit door", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "ef2e0d81", "Headline": "NATO Unveils Unbreakable Firewall; Russia Responds by Setting It on Fire", "Angle": "Pun on 'firewall' and 'match'", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "f33b300d", "Headline": "Judge Orders Administration's Ads to Self-Deport From Airwaves, Offers $1,000 and One-Way Ticket", "Angle": "Pun on 'self-deport'", "Rank": 17, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "54b56c4d", "Headline": "Elko Walks Back 'Cesspool' Comment, Confirms Stink Had Been Building Up Below for Some Time", "Angle": "Pun on 'venting' (septic plumbing)", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "791f2f84", "Headline": "Administration Pledges to Respect Ruling, Just as Soon as Judge Finds Someone Who Can Un-Chop a Tree", "Angle": "Dark satire: the fait accompli as governing strategy", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "be40d60f", "Headline": "Man Charged With Murder on Green Line; CTA Also Charges Him $2.50, Says Both Transactions Processed Promptly", "Angle": "Pun on 'charged'", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "e654bbf4", "Headline": "Court Demands Status Quo Be Restored, Administration Asks Court to Define 'Quo'", "Angle": "Dark satire: the fait accompli as governing strategy", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "fb594cf1", "Headline": "Judge Demands to Know Who Authorized Killing of Hundreds of Trees, Who Were Unarmed, Rooted, and Had Been Minding Their Own Business", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: mass-casualty AP wire report", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "12c3ad43", "Headline": "NATO Unveils Plan to Defend Europe From Full Wars Only; Half-Wars Not Covered", "Angle": "Dark satire: Europe is 'half' at war, and the plan only covers whole wars", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "4d58ba36", "Headline": "NATO Unveils 'In Case of War, Break Glass' Box; Inspectors Report Glass Already Broken, Work Order Filed", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: 'In Case of War, Break Glass' emergency signage", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "98749a35", "Headline": "Tahlequah Festival Celebrates Iconic Brand as Enthusiasts Unanimously Concede Heater Never Fucking Worked", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: restored-classic resignation", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "bb490cc9", "Headline": "First Amendment Still Available to All Employees Who Are No Longer Employees", "Angle": "Dark satire: your lawn is now HR's jurisdiction", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d75359e7", "Headline": "Beagle Files Adverse Possession Claim on Master Bed, Cites Clearly Marked Perimeter", "Angle": "Pun on 'squatter's rights'", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "24a09909", "Headline": "Passengers Surrender Scissors, Sunscreen, and Shoes So One Man Could Be Trusted With the Throttle", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "74c202e4", "Headline": "Ambassador Arrives in Greece With Palms Pre-Greased to Save Time", "Angle": "Pun on 'Greece' / 'grease'", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "7905b78f", "Headline": "Grandma's Knitting Needles Seized, Toddler's Juice Box Seized, Man With the Steering Wheel Waved Through", "Angle": "Dark satire: airport security theater vs. the guy at the controls", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c0e77487", "Headline": "Paper's Last Remaining Reporter Breaks Story That Reykjav\u00edk Is Capital of Iceland, Eyes Pulitzer", "Angle": "DARK SATIRE: the quiz is the last surviving newsroom department", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c3065895", "Headline": "Candy Corn Trial Ends in Hung Jury After Verdict of 'Good & Plenty: Neither'", "Angle": "PUN / WORDPLAY: the candy aisle as evidence locker", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "4d08ff40", "Headline": "94% of Dogs Maintained Unbroken Eye Contact During Bed Urination, Ruling Out 'Accident'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: peer-reviewed journal abstract", "Rank": 21, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "62eef12d", "Headline": "Bed Urination Cases Attributed to Anxiety (31%), Urinary Tract Infection (24%), Dog Being a Little Shit (45%)", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: clinical diagnostic list", "Rank": 21, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "6f5c25c8", "Headline": "Pee on Pillow Remains Only HR Grievance This Year to Produce Actual Results", "Angle": "Dark satire: dog as only one confronting the grind", "Rank": 21, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "89dbef60", "Headline": "Cornell Asks Community to Rush Nothing But Rush", "Angle": "Pun on 'rush'", "Rank": 21, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d8af07a0", "Headline": "Investors Pour In \u20ac800 Million to Teach Computers to Think, Contractors in Manila Asked to Keep Doing It Until Further Notice", "Angle": "Dark satire: the 'AI' is an army of grubby underpaid humans", "Rank": 21, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "4ce8d240", "Headline": "OKsWagen Fest Draws Hundreds to Downtown Tahlequah to Share Restoration Tips, Agree Heater Has Never Fucking Worked", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: restored-classic resignation", "Rank": 22, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "57b2928e", "Headline": "Area 51 Budget Bigger on the Inside, Confirms Fifth Failed Audit", "Angle": "Dark satire: Pentagon budget as the real impossible geometry", "Rank": 22, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "6c581452", "Headline": "Jonathan Swift's Modest Proposal Finally Scaled, Now Available Direct-to-Consumer at Washington Square", "Angle": "Pop culture: Swift's 'A Modest Proposal'", "Rank": 22, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "bd7c1045", "Headline": "NATO Commander Defines Activation Criteria for War Plan as 'When They Stop Fucking Around'", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the wire-copy threshold for war", "Rank": 22, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c1e6d9ac", "Headline": "\u20ac6.1 Billion Valuation Built on Machine Intelligence, Plus Several Thousand Tired People Pretending to Be One", "Angle": "Dark satire: the 'AI' is an army of grubby underpaid humans", "Rank": 22, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "65799724", "Headline": "OKsWagen Organizers Finally Work Out the Bugs, Decide to Keep Them", "Angle": "Compound pun on 'working out the bugs'", "Rank": 23, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "6ab0af04", "Headline": "Commanders Travel Up Shit Creek in Fourth Quarter, Back Down in Overtime, Finish Exactly Where They Started", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the round trip up the creek", "Rank": 23, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "bd66a31a", "Headline": "Columnist Presents Mounds of Evidence Against Halloween Candy; Defense Calls Case Riddled with Whoppers", "Angle": "PUN / WORDPLAY: the candy aisle as evidence locker", "Rank": 23, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "c267a68d", "Headline": "Harbaugh, Ownership Stand 'Shoulder to Shoulder' in Fight That Is Going Like Shit", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the joint statement's quiet admission", "Rank": 23, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "d886736f", "Headline": "Census Finds 41,000 Residents Within 300 Feet of Local Woman, Still Classifies Her 'Isolated'", "Angle": "Absurdist proximity bureaucracy (Cyprus)", "Rank": 23, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "4a12bb33", "Headline": "Government Admits Area 51 Has Area, Refuses to Discuss Its Volume", "Angle": "Pun on 'Area' in Area 51", "Rank": 24, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "958e15a9", "Headline": "Researchers Note Beetles' Vivid Shell Coloration Is Mostly Primer, Some Bondo", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: entomology field report", "Rank": 24, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "bbf05aae", "Headline": "Vet Now Treating Two Patients After Macho Plano Man Takes Dog's Advice Literally", "Angle": "Absurdist escalation: macho dominance theory taken literally", "Rank": 24, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "f0264244", "Headline": "Elko Apologizes for Calling Cesspool a Cesspool, Vows to Return to Calling It a Splash Zone", "Angle": "Dark satire: he regrets saying it out loud, not believing it", "Rank": 24, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "f26af2dc", "Headline": "Sixers' Title Hopes Hinge on Chemistry, Mutual Respect, Health, and Joel Embiid's Goddamn Knee", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: weary veteran resignation", "Rank": 24, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "1eb11eae", "Headline": "Annual OKsWagen Festival Brings Beetles, Buses, and Shared Understanding That the Heater Has Never Fucking Worked to Downtown", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: restored-classic resignation", "Rank": 25, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "72af256b", "Headline": "Dear Abby: He Put Signs on the Grounds Without Asking, So I Have Grounds", "Angle": "Pun on 'grounds' / 'stake'", "Rank": 25, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "a751d480", "Headline": "Alpha Wolf Theory Debunked, Plano Man Pees on Bed Anyway", "Angle": "Absurdist escalation: macho dominance theory taken literally", "Rank": 25, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}, {"HeadlineId": "f45007fc", "Headline": "Investigative Unit Of One Spends Six Months Confirming Iceland Has A Capital", "Angle": "DARK SATIRE: the quiz is the last surviving newsroom department", "Rank": 25, "YearMonthDay": "20261012"}]}