{"PaperName": "The Lovely Bulletin", "Stories": [{"HeadlineId": "a47c9fe2", "Headline": "FSB Announces Plague Fully Contained, Along With Everyone Who Mentioned It", "OriginalHeadline": "Russia Moves to Tamp Down Rumors About Plague Outbreak in Siberia", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "dark satire: security services as containment", "AngleSetup": "State the uncomfortable truth that Russia's real outbreak-control tool is the security apparatus, not medicine. The FSB and the Prosecutor General announce the outbreak is fully 'contained,' because the patients, the doctors and the people who mentioned it have all been contained. Quarantine and detention become the same word.", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261005", "StoryId": "1c49n", "Description": "The country\u2019s consumer watchdog has said only that \u201can employee of an anti-plague institute in the Irkutsk Region\u201d contracted pneumonia. Rumors and unconfirmed reports sounded a more ominous note.\n\n[Photo: An infectious-diseases hospital in the town of Shelekhov, Russia, on Monday. The mayor has urged residents \u201cnot to spread rumors.\u201d]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/05/world/europe/russia-plague-siberia.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/05/multimedia/05Russia-Plague-wkgf/05Russia-Plague-wkgf-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-05T15:49:14+00:00", "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "a47c9fe2", "Headline": "FSB Announces Plague Fully Contained, Along With Everyone Who Mentioned It", "Angle": "dark satire: security services as containment", "Rank": 1, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "0094c7e2", "Headline": "Local Man Detained for Reporting Dead Rat, Rat Released Pending Further Rumors", "Angle": "pun on 'rat out' / plague rats", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "06db2a2f", "Headline": "Officials Report '3.6 Buboes, Not Great, Not Terrible'", "Angle": "pop culture: HBO's Chernobyl '3.6 roentgen'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "11cd010e", "Headline": "New Siberian Policy: See a Plague Rat, Say Nothing, Become One", "Angle": "pun on 'rat out' / plague rats", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "124d60aa", "Headline": "Russian Officials Repeat Word 'Pneumonia' Until It Stops Meaning Anything", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: consumer watchdog statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "1bb649db", "Headline": "Anti-Plague Institute Clarifies: Death Benefits Only Apply If You Die of the Thing in Your Job Title", "Angle": "format-borrowing: HR redundancy memo", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "25431971", "Headline": "Officials Say Situation Is Stable, Citing the Suspicious Stillness of Everyone Involved", "Angle": "dark satire: security services as containment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "3234feed", "Headline": "Russia Clarifies: Quarantine and Detention Are the Same Word Now", "Angle": "dark satire: security services as containment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "3ad5b422", "Headline": "HR Memo: Position Eliminated Due to 'Restructuring,' Not Due to the Plague We Pay You to Fight", "Angle": "format-borrowing: HR redundancy memo", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "3efc1fed", "Headline": "Irkutsk Pneumonia Patient Reads '3.6,' Device Not Rated Any Higher", "Angle": "pop culture: HBO's Chernobyl '3.6 roentgen'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "6ad7610a", "Headline": "Employee Status Updated to 'Redundant'; Cause Listed as Pneumonia to Dodge Hazard Pay Clause", "Angle": "format-borrowing: HR redundancy memo", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "754854d2", "Headline": "Anti-Plague Institute Employee Has 'Pneumonia,' Officials Say, Eyes Watering From the Lie", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: consumer watchdog statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "8a300e66", "Headline": "Consumer Watchdog Confirms 'Pneumonia,' Advises Nation Not to Look Under the Fucking Bandage", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: consumer watchdog statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "9f3188d6", "Headline": "Watchdog Group Stands By 'Pneumonia' Diagnosis, Declines to Explain the Quarantine Tents", "Angle": "deadpan profanity: consumer watchdog statement", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "a4cce5ce", "Headline": "Prosecutor General Confirms Outbreak Under Control, Three Doctors Still Being Controlled", "Angle": "dark satire: security services as containment", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "ab41a059", "Headline": "Shelekhov Mayor: Ratting Out Rats Now Punishable, Rats Themselves Still Innocent Until Proven Infected", "Angle": "pun on 'rat out' / plague rats", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "c7bf1462", "Headline": "Consumer Watchdog Insists Bubo Count Steady At Maximum Possible 3.6", "Angle": "pop culture: HBO's Chernobyl '3.6 roentgen'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "f77f2f55", "Headline": "Officials Clarify: It's Not a Plague Cover-Up, It's Just Illegal to Rat on Rats", "Angle": "pun on 'rat out' / plague rats", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "f85ffa1a", "Headline": "Plague-Meter Caps Out At 3.6, Scientists Shrug 'Could Be Worse'", "Angle": "pop culture: HBO's Chernobyl '3.6 roentgen'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "fe2b3b87", "Headline": "Irkutsk Anti-Plague Institute Employee 'Made Redundant,' Hazard Bonus Forfeited on Pneumonia Technicality", "Angle": "format-borrowing: HR redundancy memo", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "4187ef99", "Headline": "Lloyd's of London Inserts New War-Risk Tier Between 'Elevated' and 'Oh, Fuck No'", "OriginalHeadline": "Burst of Attacks in Gulf Heightens Fears Over Fragile Energy Trade", "ShowOriginal": true, "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: maritime insurance reclassification", "AngleSetup": "Write immaculate Lloyd's of London wire copy about war-risk premiums and actuarial zone ratings. Then the official new risk classification for the Strait of Hormuz is 'Oh, Fuck No,' slotted in as if it were a standard tier between 'Elevated' and 'Severe.' The joke is the institution's resignation dressed up as underwriting policy.", "Rank": 10, "YearMonthDay": "20261005", "StoryId": "l0y60", "Description": "Strikes on tankers in the Strait of Hormuz and oil infrastructure in Saudi Arabia came as the region\u2019s exporters were getting more oil to the world market.\n\n[Photo: Ships near the Strait of Hormuz last week. More tankers have moved through the strait in recent weeks.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/05/business/hormuz-saudi-iran-houthis.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/05/multimedia/05Biz-Hormuz-01-hgml/05Biz-Hormuz-01-hgml-mediumSquareAt3X-v2.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-05T19:27:06+00:00", "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "4187ef99", "Headline": "Lloyd's of London Inserts New War-Risk Tier Between 'Elevated' and 'Oh, Fuck No'", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: maritime insurance reclassification", "Rank": 10, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "8e9e6b77", "Headline": "Actuarial Tables Updated to Reflect 'Oh, Fuck No' Zone Rating for Gulf Shipping Lanes", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: maritime insurance reclassification", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "8426658b", "Headline": "Lloyd's Clarifies: 'Oh, Fuck No' Sits Just Above 'Severe,' Below 'Absolutely Not'", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: maritime insurance reclassification", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "8b39f60a", "Headline": "Global Economy Held Over a Barrel, Several Thousand of Which Are On Fire", "Angle": "Pun on 'over a barrel'", "Rank": 20, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "0190a415", "Headline": "Delivery Exception: Recipient's Strait Was Hostile, Package Is Now A Fireball", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: package tracking update", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "3c2f90aa", "Headline": "Analysts Warn World Is Over a Barrel; Coast Guard Warns World Is Over Several Barrels", "Angle": "Pun on 'over a barrel'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "5dcaa501", "Headline": "Oil Shipment Status: Out For Delivery, Then Briefly Out For Detonation", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: package tracking update", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "7a8ed8e1", "Headline": "Pentagon Hails Lawn-Chair-Based Tester Program as 'Historically Cost-Effective'", "Angle": "Absurdist: Jon Tester, literal tester", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "8d987ff3", "Headline": "Before Tankers Pass, Ex-Senator Floats Through Hormuz in Rickety Lawn Chair 'Happy to Serve'", "Angle": "Absurdist: Jon Tester, literal tester", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "9b951d59", "Headline": "Oil Traders Over a Barrel, Literally, As Cargo Drifts Through Strait of Hormuz", "Angle": "Pun on 'over a barrel'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "9b9774a3", "Headline": "Saudi Aramco's New MVP: Whoever Keeps Blowing Up The Competition's Cash Flow", "Angle": "Reversal: attackers as OPEC's best price-support tool", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "a58aa477", "Headline": "Jon Tester Takes Job Title Literally, Drifts Into Strait of Hormuz to See What Happens", "Angle": "Absurdist: Jon Tester, literal tester", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "b5179194", "Headline": "World Energy Market Over a Barrel; Three Million of Them Now Floating in Gulf", "Angle": "Pun on 'over a barrel'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "ba990bac", "Headline": "Tracking Update: Your Tanker Has Been Rerouted Through An Active War Zone, Next Attempt Thursday", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: package tracking update", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "c6cc5c17", "Headline": "Local Economists Baffled As 'Healthy Price Per Barrel' Correlates Suspiciously With Stuff On Fire In The Gulf", "Angle": "Reversal: attackers as OPEC's best price-support tool", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "d0d2c47c", "Headline": "Oil Execs Quietly Admit: Exploding Tanker Does More For Price Per Barrel Than Entire Cartel Meeting", "Angle": "Reversal: attackers as OPEC's best price-support tool", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "e5e4fcf9", "Headline": "OPEC Sends Mystery Attackers Fruit Basket, Card Reading 'Thanks For The Production Cut We Didn't Have To Make'", "Angle": "Reversal: attackers as OPEC's best price-support tool", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "ecda3af8", "Headline": "Package Marked 'FRAGILE: Handle With Care' Now On Fire, Somewhere Near Hormuz", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: package tracking update", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "f3e13028", "Headline": "Underwriters Quietly Reclassify Strait of Hormuz as 'Oh, Fuck No,' Effective Immediately", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: maritime insurance reclassification", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "fab4e1bd", "Headline": "Energy Dept Names Jon Tester Official Strait Tester, Lawn Chair Included", "Angle": "Absurdist: Jon Tester, literal tester", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "9e1d90f7", "Headline": "Oil Giant Argues Climate Change Was Unforeseeable, Cites Photocopy of the Memo Proving Otherwise", "OriginalHeadline": "Supreme Court to Hear Major Environmental Lawsuit", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "DARK SATIRE: Exxon's own research as its defense", "AngleSetup": "Exxon's own scientists accurately predicted warming decades ago, then the company funded doubt. Have Exxon's lawyers submit its 1970s-80s internal projections as proof the damage was 'entirely unforeseeable,' treating its suppressed memos as a carefully kept copy of its innocence. The uncomfortable truth: they knew, and the legal strategy is to treat knowing as a technicality.", "Rank": 3, "YearMonthDay": "20261005", "StoryId": "subeu", "Description": "The justices will begin their new term with a landmark case about whether local governments can sue oil companies over damages caused by climate change.\n\n[Photo: The Suncor Energy refinery in Commerce City, Colo. The case before the justices pits officials from nearby Boulder against Suncor and Exxon Mobil.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/05/us/politics/supreme-court-climate-change-oil.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/05/multimedia/05dc-scotus-suncor-topart-02-vfmw/05dc-scotus-suncor-topart-02-vfmw-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-05T09:03:25+00:00", "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "9e1d90f7", "Headline": "Oil Giant Argues Climate Change Was Unforeseeable, Cites Photocopy of the Memo Proving Otherwise", "Angle": "DARK SATIRE: Exxon's own research as its defense", "Rank": 3, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "17d8b582", "Headline": "Suncor's Legal Theory: You Can't Spill Oil On Someone Who Shouldn't Have Been Standing There", "Angle": "REVERSAL: oil giants countersue the victims", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "406e9d11", "Headline": "NWS Advisory: Shelter In Place Until SCOTUS Determines Whose Fault The Air Is", "Angle": "FORMAT-BORROWING: National Weather Service advisory", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "468496f8", "Headline": "RED FLAG WARNING: Boulder Skies Noxious, Liability Pending Until End of Term", "Angle": "FORMAT-BORROWING: National Weather Service advisory", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "4f46e003", "Headline": "Docket Item One: Whether Oil Giants Owe Boulder for the Fucking Fire Part", "Angle": "DEADPAN PROFANITY: Court docket solemnity", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "62347d01", "Headline": "Boulder Asks Court for Standing; Climate Change Already Took Care of the Rest", "Angle": "PUN on 'standing'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "72c8db99", "Headline": "Justices to Decide If Boulder Has Standing, Fire Season Already Ruled Nothing Else Does", "Angle": "PUN on 'standing'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "75824adc", "Headline": "SCOTUS Begins Term, Weighs Narrow Procedural Question of Who Set Colorado On Fucking Fire", "Angle": "DEADPAN PROFANITY: Court docket solemnity", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "783b6963", "Headline": "Court to Weigh Boulder's Standing While County Remains Mostly Rubble", "Angle": "PUN on 'standing'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "7e52321c", "Headline": "Exxon Mobil's Defense: We Only Suppressed the Truth, Never Denied It Internally", "Angle": "DARK SATIRE: Exxon's own research as its defense", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "8117d375", "Headline": "Learned Justices Convene to Determine Liability for State Currently On Fucking Fire", "Angle": "DEADPAN PROFANITY: Court docket solemnity", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "8a1d5601", "Headline": "Supreme Court Opens New Term With Question Presented: Who's Paying for Colorado Being On Fucking Fire", "Angle": "DEADPAN PROFANITY: Court docket solemnity", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "903706b0", "Headline": "Alito Calls County's Grief 'Frothy,' Demands Receipts", "Angle": "REVERSAL: oil giants countersue the victims", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "999d2e1c", "Headline": "Exxon Says Town Assumed The Risk By Rudely Existing In A Climate", "Angle": "REVERSAL: oil giants countersue the victims", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "9c324106", "Headline": "Winds Out Of Commerce City 25 MPH, Accountability Winds Still Stalled In Committee", "Angle": "FORMAT-BORROWING: National Weather Service advisory", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "af4b50ef", "Headline": "Oil Companies Argue Boulder Lacks Standing; Scorched Earth Agrees, Cites Itself as Evidence", "Angle": "PUN on 'standing'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "ccc63d14", "Headline": "Court Asks Exxon to Explain 1982 Prediction, Company Calls It 'Accidental Accuracy'", "Angle": "DARK SATIRE: Exxon's own research as its defense", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "d4ad147b", "Headline": "Air Quality: Noxious. Legal Quality: Pending. Both Expected To Clear By June", "Angle": "FORMAT-BORROWING: National Weather Service advisory", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "d66eb9a9", "Headline": "Exxon Submits Its Own 1982 'We're Doomed' Memo as Exhibit A for 'Who Could've Known'", "Angle": "DARK SATIRE: Exxon's own research as its defense", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "fe4da9fa", "Headline": "Oil Giants Countersue Boulder For 'Contributory Flammability'", "Angle": "REVERSAL: oil giants countersue the victims", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "6b3631b9", "Headline": "Sergeant at Arms Orders Flags to Half-Staff for Hastert, Nervously Concedes That's Still Too Fucking High", "OriginalHeadline": "Dennis Hastert, Powerful Politician Disgraced by Child Sexual Abuse, Dies", "ShowOriginal": true, "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: flags at half-staff", "AngleSetup": "Write immaculate wire copy about the Capitol's protocol for a former Speaker's death: the Sergeant at Arms orders flags lowered. Then let the institution's weary honesty slip into the measurement itself, with flags at half-staff, which officials nervously concede is still too fucking high. The swear lands as procedural fact.", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261005", "StoryId": "l8xdm", "Description": "The longest-serving Republican speaker of the House admitted in 2016 to abusing teenage boys decades earlier. He was 84.\n\n[Photo: Dennis Hastert on Capitol Hill in 2003. He was sentenced to 15 months in federal prison in April 2016.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/05/obituaries/dennis-hastert-dead.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/04/multimedia/00obit-hastert-01-fbkl/00obit-hastert-01-fbkl-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-05T14:09:01+00:00", "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "cac62c7e", "Headline": "Sergeant at Arms Confirms Half-Staff Is Standard, Regrets Regulations Don't Allow Subterranean Option", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: flags at half-staff", "Rank": 9, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "3b8a9c19", "Headline": "Capitol Flags Lowered to Half-Staff for Hastert, Officials Quietly Note No Lower Setting Exists", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: flags at half-staff", "Rank": 13, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "6b3631b9", "Headline": "Sergeant at Arms Orders Flags to Half-Staff for Hastert, Nervously Concedes That's Still Too Fucking High", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: flags at half-staff", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "0455852b", "Headline": "Treasury Department Declares Justice 'Complete' As Man Who Structured Bank Withdrawals Dies", "Angle": "Dark satire: accountability for the banking, not the boys", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "04ab4821", "Headline": "Family Requests Mourners Donate In Lieu Of Flowers, Nothing Over $9,999", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary filed under currency-reporting rules", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "1c7731df", "Headline": "Disgraced Politician Dies, Statute Of Limitations On Everything But His Checking Account Long Expired", "Angle": "Dark satire: accountability for the banking, not the boys", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "25b874a9", "Headline": "Congress Observes Moment of Silence; Hastert Billed $3.5 Million for Extended Warranty", "Angle": "Pun on 'moment of silence' / hush money", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "34cdbb8e", "Headline": "Disgraced Speaker's Death Announced In Installments So No One Has To Look Too Closely", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary filed under currency-reporting rules", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "3daaaa25", "Headline": "House Holds Moment of Silence for Hastert, Already Paid in Full", "Angle": "Pun on 'moment of silence' / hush money", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "4480e182", "Headline": "Gingrich, DeLay Remember Friend Who 'Never Let The Molesting Define Him'", "Angle": "Reversal: the passive-voice obituary taken literally", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "644b2dfa", "Headline": "Former Speaker Honored With Moment of Silence He Technically Pre-Ordered", "Angle": "Pun on 'moment of silence' / hush money", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "6df28ecf", "Headline": "Hastert Obituary Released In Structured Increments, Each Under Reporting Threshold", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary filed under currency-reporting rules", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "866a8f96", "Headline": "Protocol Followed Precisely: Hastert Honored at Half-Staff, the Floor Being Architecturally Unavailable", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: flags at half-staff", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "95d363af", "Headline": "Hastert Dies Having Fully Paid His Debt To Society For Sub-$10,000 Transactions", "Angle": "Dark satire: accountability for the banking, not the boys", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "aed0475c", "Headline": "Local Man Loses Brave Decades-Long Battle With Child Molestation", "Angle": "Reversal: the passive-voice obituary taken literally", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "b46ad7f1", "Headline": "Local Man Dead At 84, Survived By Wife, Sons, And Nine Separate Notices Totaling One Life", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: obituary filed under currency-reporting rules", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "bbc86c7d", "Headline": "Hastert Finally Succumbs To The Child Abuse He Was Diagnosed With In 1979", "Angle": "Reversal: the passive-voice obituary taken literally", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "c504ee53", "Headline": "House Floor Tribute to Hastert Called 'Redundant' by Accountants", "Angle": "Pun on 'moment of silence' / hush money", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "f33305dd", "Headline": "Dennis Hastert, Convicted Of Withdrawing Money Incorrectly, Dies At 84", "Angle": "Dark satire: accountability for the banking, not the boys", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261005"}, {"HeadlineId": "f93a1c94", "Headline": "Tragic: Beloved Speaker's Courageous Struggle With Assaulting Teens Ends In Death", "Angle": "Reversal: the passive-voice obituary taken literally", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": 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