{"PaperName": "The Elfin Forum", "Stories": [{"HeadlineId": "439d73c4", "Headline": "Senator Deplores Broadcast of Execution as Affront to Decorum, Confirms He Has Already Cleared Calendar", "OriginalHeadline": "Some G.O.P. Lawmakers Pan Hegseth\u2019s Plan to Stream Execution of Fort Hood Shooter", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: GOP 'principled objection'", "AngleSetup": "Write immaculate wire copy of a senator's measured concern about decorum and the solemnity of capital punishment, then end on a weary profane admission that he'll be watching anyway. 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Notes Wars Are Not Guaranteed, Shareholders Encouraged to Take Action", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: fund prospectus disclaimer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "61dc7335", "Headline": "Energy Fund Reminds Shareholders That Past Performance Is Not Indicative of Future Results, Encourages Them to Contact Their Representatives", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: fund prospectus disclaimer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "76d8b88e", "Headline": "Fund Manager Reaffirms Long-Term Discipline: Bonds for Stability, Equities for Growth, Shit Exploding Abroad for Energy", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: the advisor's quarterly letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "a22bea68", "Headline": "Quarter's Best Performers Were Not Defensive, Analysts Note, Gesturing at Entire Middle East", "Angle": "Pun on 'defensive stocks'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "adcbb3ba", "Headline": "Valero Surges as Portfolios Go on the Offensive, Though Not Technically Theirs", "Angle": "Pun on 'defensive stocks'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "b9a57382", "Headline": "Bewildered El Paso Man Diversifies into Deep End, Outperforms Wall Street", "Angle": "Absurdist: El Paso retiree's gasoline pool", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "d10bd650", "Headline": "Local Man's Portfolio Soars After He Drains Pool, Refills with Valero Premium", "Angle": "Absurdist: El Paso retiree's gasoline pool", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "e4cf9ccc", "Headline": "Tech Bulls Concede Legacy Industry of War Still Dominates Population Reduction", "Angle": "Dark reversal: AI vs. war as job destroyer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "ff082324", "Headline": "Analyst Stunned as War Out-Disrupts AI in Human Elimination Sector", "Angle": "Dark reversal: AI vs. war as job destroyer", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "886deeef", "Headline": "Insurer Cites 'Alarming Signs of Aging' Among Seniors in Plan to Stop Insuring Seniors", "OriginalHeadline": "Private Medicare Plans Are Raising Costs And Forcing Millions To Find New Insurance", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Dark satire: the risk pool is old people", "AngleSetup": "Say the actuarial truth plainly: insurers that sold plans specifically to the elderly are pulling out of regions because the customers there are elderly. Frame it as a shocked market-exit memo that cites 'alarming signs of aging' and 'concerning trends toward needing health care.'", "Rank": 4, "YearMonthDay": "20261009", "StoryId": "ljl85", "Description": "As enrollment for Medicare Advantage begins this month, older Americans are confronting fewer options because insurers are discontinuing coverage in many areas.\n\n[Photo: Mick and Ann Kalber, who live in Pahoa, Hawaii, are bracing to pay hundreds more in health insurance premiums after receiving a letter last week advising them that their plan is being discontinued.]", "Url": "https://www.nytimes.com/2026/10/09/business/medicare-private-health-care-costs.html", "ImageUrl": "https://static01.nyt.com/images/2026/10/09/multimedia/09biz-medicare-crunch-zmlq/09biz-medicare-crunch-zmlq-mediumSquareAt3X.jpg", "Source": "nytimes.com", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-09T14:52:41+00:00", "EditorNote": "The private Medicare plans sold as more choice are giving seniors fewer choices and higher bills, with insurers simply leaving whole regions during the enrollment month itself.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "886deeef", "Headline": "Insurer Cites 'Alarming Signs of Aging' Among Seniors in Plan to Stop Insuring Seniors", "Angle": "Dark satire: the risk pool is old people", "Rank": 4, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "a8c9c326", "Headline": "Medicare Plan Pulls Out of Hawaii County, Blames 'Concerning Trend Toward Needing Health Care'", "Angle": "Dark satire: the risk pool is old people", "Rank": 3, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "f1f3a2f3", "Headline": "Insurers Exit Medicare Advantage Markets After Discovering Customers Keep Getting Older", "Angle": "Dark satire: the risk pool is old people", "Rank": 16, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "2ade3398", "Headline": "Shocked Insurers Report Plan for Old People Has Too Many Old People", "Angle": "Dark satire: the risk pool is old people", "Rank": 18, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "28997bf2", "Headline": "Medicare Advantage Delivers On Promise Of More Choice: You Now Choose Who Else Might Take You", "Angle": "Reversal: 'more choice' fulfilled literally", "Rank": 19, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "0cc78bb9", "Headline": "Insurer Thrilled To Give Hawaii Couple Freedom To Shop For Plan That Doesn't Exist", "Angle": "Reversal: 'more choice' fulfilled literally", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "41996d1a", "Headline": "Insurers Empower Seniors To Explore Options We No Longer Provide", "Angle": "Reversal: 'more choice' fulfilled literally", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "4db74859", "Headline": "CMS Administrator Oz Advises Seniors Facing Plan Cancellations To Try Turmeric, Daily Walks, Not Needing Anything Covered For Fuck's Sake", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Dr. Oz's wellness tips as federal policy", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "4ee7341b", "Headline": "Oz Urges Hawaii Couple Losing Coverage To Hydrate, Stretch, Avoid Hospitals Entirely For Fuck's Sake", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: Dr. Oz's wellness tips as federal policy", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "584aeb76", "Headline": "Seniors Get Dear John Letters From Insurers After Relationship Soured By Bloodwork", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: insurer's discontinuation letter as a breakup letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "6f9f125a", "Headline": "Medicare Plan Ends Things With Kalbers, Says It Hopes They Can Still Be Friends At Triple The Premium", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: insurer's discontinuation letter as a breakup letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "77e55008", "Headline": "Seniors Hit Deuce as Insurers Serve Premium Hikes and Cancel the Rematch", "Angle": "Pun on 'Advantage' (tennis scoring)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "a63a2967", "Headline": "'We've Grown Apart,' Writes Insurer, Specifically Your Claims Have Grown", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: insurer's discontinuation letter as a breakup letter", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "a7158674", "Headline": "Exciting New Opportunity: Millions Of Seniors Invited To Find Out How Many Insurers Left Their County", "Angle": "Reversal: 'more choice' fulfilled literally", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "be101b27", "Headline": "Medicare Advantage Always Meant 'Advantage, UnitedHealth' as Seniors Get Called Out on the Line", "Angle": "Pun on 'Advantage' (tennis scoring)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "c09fe358", "Headline": "Insurers Celebrate Open Enrollment By Opening Door, Pointing Toward It", "Angle": "Reversal: 'more choice' fulfilled literally", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "ca75cb11", "Headline": "Hawaii Couple Dumped By Insurer: 'It's Not You, 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Was Never the Senior's Point to Win", "Angle": "Pun on 'Advantage' (tennis scoring)", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}]}, {"HeadlineId": "4353ea96", "Headline": "Auction House Defends Selling Bowie by the Piece: 'He Never Objected, and Frankly He Never Will'", "OriginalHeadline": "A Rare David Bowie Self-Portrait \u2014 Featuring His Handprints \u2014 Is Going on Auction at Sotheby\u2019s", "ShowOriginal": false, "Angle": "Dark satire: auctioning the body in installments", "AngleSetup": "Say the uncomfortable part out loud: the art market has moved from selling what a dead genius made to selling traces of his actual body. Frame it as 'The Men Who Sold The Man Who Sold The World.' The estate and the auction house then announce a roadmap: handprints this season, the anisocoric pupil as a separate lot next spring, and negotiations under way for 'remaining Bowie.' Bowie can't object, and that's the business model.", "Rank": 8, "YearMonthDay": "20261009", "StoryId": "jzobn", "Description": "A rare David Bowie self-portrait is going on auction at Sotheby\u2019s, featuring the musician and artist\u2019s own handprints. The 1996 work is part of eight self-portraits Bowie created during a prolific period of painting, all of which were snapped up immediately. Done on paper, the painting emphasizes Bowie\u2019s signature anisocoria and includes two of his [\u2026]", "Url": "https://variety.com/2026/music/global/david-bowie-self-portrait-handprints-auction-sothebys-1236905394/", "ImageUrl": "https://variety.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/10/L26138_DPSZL_T2_01_a90637.jpg", "Source": "variety", "PublishedAt": "2026-10-09 08:00:00", "EditorNote": "Sotheby's auctions a Bowie self-portrait featuring his handprints, which lets the art world sell literal fingerprints of a dead rock star as provenance.", "IsMashup": false, "SourceStories": [], "SiblingHeadlines": [{"HeadlineId": "4353ea96", "Headline": "Auction House Defends Selling Bowie by the Piece: 'He Never Objected, and Frankly He Never Will'", "Angle": "Dark satire: auctioning the body in installments", "Rank": 8, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "0e3d46e6", "Headline": "Sotheby's Describes Bowie Handprints as 'Works on Paper, Provenance Direct From Artist,' Expects Some Rich Fuck to Press Palms Against Them in Private", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: auction-catalog estimate voice", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "1ecc0417", "Headline": "Estate Unveils Five-Year Bowie Liquidation Roadmap; Bowie, Reached for Comment, Remains Dead", "Angle": "Dark satire: auctioning the body in installments", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "21ab54a1", "Headline": "Sotheby's Catalog Notes Bowie's Uneven Pupils, 1996 Date, Handprints, and Strong Likelihood a Rich Fuck Will Cry Into the Frame", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: auction-catalog estimate voice", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "2fa3c8c5", "Headline": "Sotheby's Lists Bowie Self-Portrait, Acrylic and Handprints on Paper, 1996, Estimate $300,000\u2013$400,000, Depending on How Badly Some Rich Fuck Wants to Hold Hands With a Dead Man", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: auction-catalog estimate voice", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "4ffdf863", "Headline": "The Men Who Sold the Man Who Sold the World Now Offering Handprints, With Pupil Available Next Spring", "Angle": "Dark satire: auctioning the body in installments", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "5b135141", "Headline": "Docent With Stopwatch Calls Time on Sad Man's Attempt to Become Bowie", "Angle": "Absurdist: supervised palm-matching sessions", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "5caf6d0c", "Headline": "Latent Prints Recovered From Bowie Self-Portrait; Ridge Pattern Matches Subject, Pupils Unequal, Estimate Rises", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: forensic evidence report", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "6510d64f", "Headline": "Bidders Pack Courtroom as Evidence Placed Under Glass: 'Eyes Mismatched, Hands Guilty of Being Bowie'", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: forensic evidence report", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "6aad3691", "Headline": "Sotheby's Confirms Palm Prints at Scene Belong to Artist, Raises Lot 47 Estimate With Every Whorl", "Angle": "Format-borrowing: forensic evidence report", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "70c98b24", "Headline": "Bowie Self-Portrait to Go Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Hands at Sotheby's", "Angle": "Pun on 'changes hands' / 'Changes'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "7b5b77b6", "Headline": "Sotheby's Assures Buyers Bowie's Handprints Are Still Warm From Previous Owners' Ch-Ch-Ch-Checks", "Angle": "Pun on 'changes hands' / 'Changes'", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "a20fc476", "Headline": "Bowie Self-Portrait Headed to Auction With Estimate Based Entirely on How Much Some Rich Fuck Will Pay to Touch Where Bowie Touched", "Angle": "Deadpan profanity: auction-catalog estimate voice", "Rank": null, "YearMonthDay": "20261009"}, {"HeadlineId": "a8067c8b", "Headline": "Long Beach Hedge-Funder Presses Hands to Bowie 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